Aron Ralston – went hiking alone and while he was climbing down a narrow slot in Bluejohn Canyon, a boulder dislodged, crushing Ralston’s right forearm and pinning it against the wall. For five and a half days, he struggled to get free until he was forced to use a blunt knife from his multi-tool, he amputated his arm.
Louise Hay – Her childhood was unstable and impoverished, and her teen years were marked by abuse. Louise ran away from home and ended up in New York City, and eventually, she was diagnosed with cancer.
Nick Vujicic – Was born with neither arms nor legs. He had no family history to expect this condition. An innocent child, born limbless. Why?
When stuff like this happens in our own lives, sometimes it feels like the end of the world. Why does this stuff happen?
I was recently on The One World Show with Mark Brener & Ceci Suwal to talk about exactly that, and below are some key reasons we discussed.
1. “Bad Things” Turn Us Into Heroes
What makes heroes and villains, different from… “the masses?"
Simple – heroes & villains are out-standing and attention-getting somehow. We notice their personalities and the moves they make, and we label them heroic, or villainous.
So then… what makes a “hero” different from a villain?
“Heroes” become better, more loving, more noble, more positive people by embracing their life-challenges, and “villains” become more cruel, destructive, and bitter in the face of life’s challenges.
The point is, "things" are necessary to generate both heroes and villains, and heroes are the one’s who make the choice to overcome and move through these "things" and challenges, and put a positive spin on them, using them to launch them forward in the community.
2. “Bad Things” Get Us Asking Bigger Questions
So… does this mean we "need" bad things in order to stand out or give our lives meaning?
We-ell… in a way, yes.
Asking increasingly bigger questions is pretty important to life.
Think about it.
Imagine a life where no one asks big questions, and everything is shallow and bland and done-by-rote.
Can you imagine it?
Everyone wakes up each day, a cog in a machine, with 100% clarity at all times on their role, with no ambitions and no questions.
Imagine a world just 100% happy with the status quo and no one questioning anything.
Everyone I’ve spoken to says this sounds like a "boring", "miserable" life of "no substance."
But what prompts us to ask questions?
"Stuff happening."
Stuff that adds to the mystery of life.
Stuff we don’t get.
Stuff we’re tempted to label "bad" or "good", especially before we understand it’s place or purpose.
If you were to tell people your life story and interact with them well, you’d need both ups *and* downs to relate to them.
And you can end up being the hero, if you tell the "downs" with a good attitude.
3. “Bad Things” Help Us To Build Confidence
Yep, bad things give us tons of confidence.
I’ve had haters, dismissals, insults betrayals, and all kinds of fear, failures and pain.
I look back on it and though I didn’t understand at the time, I was able to see how they were blessings after all.
Want a clear example of how ‘bad things’ can build confidence?
Take two imaginary peeps: Joe and Bob.
Joe has NEVER asked a girl out.
Bob has asked out thousands, and been rejected many times, and accepted many times.
So…
For Joe, to ask a girl out is a huuuge deal, weighing the pros and cons, whiling away days fretting, and when it eventually happens, he spends weeks dealing with the consequences.
But Bob is used to the ups-and-downs of asking a girl out, he’s totally comfortable with his approach, if he makes a mistake or “says the wrong thing”, he just picks up and moves on.
The experience of both sides of the rejection-acceptance coin, having the “bad times” as well as good, gives Bob rock-solid confidence and turns him into quite the effective playboy, or at the very least, able to approach any woman he wants to.
Bob’s confidence is a direct results of the amount of approaches he’s tried and rejections he’s embraced.
Joe simply has little confidence for a similar reason.
4. “Bad Things” Wake Up Family, Friends & Social Circles
This is sometimes a sensitive one.
Keep in mind I adore family + friends. I`m not hatin`on èm.
But guys…
Get this:
A fish doesn’t understand water.
A fish doesn’t even recognize water. It hardly values or appreciates or wants water.
Why?
Because the fish has never known anything else.
There`s nothing contrasting or relative to water for it to recognize.
The fish has been born into, and immersed in water for it’s entire life.
And it’s only when the water is removed, that the fish wakes up and craves and values the water.
And the same thing goes for family and friends.
We’ve been around them for so long, that they often don’t notice our growth or our value or our unique skills. We’ve always been around, and they’ve always had ‘unlimited access’ to us, and vice-versa.
Until we gain some distance.
Now… what can create distance between family and friends?
Do many of us just randomly, voluntarily leave our family and friends?
Or does "bad things" need to happen to jumpstart us?
Ambition distanced me from my family. Being an entrepreneur distanced me from my cubicle-co-worker friends. Being homeless distanced me from some of my entrepreneurial friends.
In my experience, "bad things" are often necessary to create distance from family. Maybe not for everyone, sure, but they were for me, and what are the chances that they’re necessary… for you, for now?
"Don’t it always seem to go / that you don’t know what you’ve got til its gone." – Counting Crows, Big Yellow Taxi
There are other ‘upsides’ to ‘bad things’ too, such as:
Getting us to drop a habit or to launch us out of comfort zones.
Anyway…
I want ‘good’ things for you.
And life contains both bad and good, so all I can do is help you understand and minimize and transform the bad.
And hopefully this has shed some light on some of the bullshit you’ve gone through, are going through, or have seen others go through.
These understandings brought me acceptance and peace of mind in a massive way, and I’d love it if it did something similar for you.
Mad love, keep ryzin’, and if you have anything interesting to share or express or contribute on this topic, I’d love to see it in the comments below, it was a great discussion with Mark & Ceci, and we can keep it going here 🙂
Hi! I'm J-Ryze, I help heroes #ryze their empires.
I am a believer that everything happens for a reason, we just don’t always know what that “reason” is…at least not right away. I also believe that Life is all about learning (and hopefully progressing and moving forward).
I agree with every one of your very well-made points. Excellent post, Jason.
“Everything happens for a reason” is a pretty common view in my circles, Intricate 😉 Glad you’re feelin’ it.
Interestingly — “Not knowing what the reason is, at least not right away” is absolutely infuriating to me 😛
I’m well-known for my insight and understanding, and when the mysteries of life strike — it’s not my favorite thing. 🙂
Yes, in hind-sight and retrospect it’s easier to see the silver-lining and blessings in it all, but while its happening? Heh. Eww 😛
I agree with you as well, life is about progressing and moving forward, and there’s all sorts of ways of going about that — hopefully a few of these attitudes help 🙂
Bad things are a part of life and tomorrow isn’t as bad as it seems. I really enjoyed your perspective on WHY bad things happen and what we can learn or gain from them.
Jae! I’m so glad you’re feelin’ it. “Bad things are a point of life” — I think a lot of people need to realize this for themselves, and for me, it goes a step further — “THINGS are a part of life, and we get to label every single one.”
Keep ryzin’!
Hey Ryze!
How you doing! I really found your point about bad things making us more confident poignant. It’s so true, because I think we’re so worried of injuring ourselves, not even physically, but in terms of our egos, even if we don’t think we have much of an ego. I shouldn’t say we, instead, I should just say me. But like you said, the funny thing is, once you fall, or get rejected, or the biggest horriblest worrying worst-case scenario happens, most of the time, it’s not as bad as first imagined.
One time, I really understood that in a physical way. I went skiing, and like any adventure sport, even rollerblading, the fear is falling, not just because you’ll hurt yourself, but it’s embarrassed when you do fall. I mean, if I’m in the middle of no where, and I fall over and scrape my hands and hurt myself, I’m annoyed about falling over, but I get up, and carry on. If I fall in some mad public place, I’m like, oh no, who saw that. Oh no. It’s ridiculous. I haven’t ‘stacked’ in a long time, but I felt so embarrassed for someone who did fall the other day that instead of going over to offer help, I just hoped she was okay, which she was, and was more concerned about the embarrassment she would feel if I went over and made a fuss. So stupid!!!!! I can’t believe I’m so superficial in this area. It could be a strange misplaced sense of pride, but it’s a hindrance.
So, I went way off topic…..as usual. Skiing lol. After the first days lesson, I managed to finish my slow ski down the hill without once falling over. I was stoked. The next day, we did more challenging stuff. I did fall over, and yes, it was embarrassing. I was more concerned about falling over for the sake of saving-face than I was about enjoying the ski trip.
With only a day or two to go, my legs were sore from a 1 hour long snow plough down this challenging-for-our-level slope with the instructor. I was fed of snow ploughing. My knees were killing. I decided to take on the new part of bag of tricks, complements of the ski instructor who taught us how to turn without snow ploughing, but traversing, like how you’re meant to, or how I see normal-level skiiers doing. No slow snow-ploughing.
Traversing was crazy, because one time, I one time, I picked up so much speed I couldn’t turn. Then I managed to turn but now I was heading straight down the hill. I was like, oh dear…oh….my….dear!!!!! Then I literally threw myself to the right, and I almost traversed back on myself, except this time, I fell.
…..
I couldn’t believe it. I was a little red in the cheeks. But I realised, I didn’t care. I was able to go fast on my skis, enjoying the experience a whole lot more, and falling wasn’t that bad either. It wasn’t like falling into the fiery flames of LOTR Moordore aka. The London Shard. :/ I realised, if I can falling, actually helped me push my skiing, improving my speed, and helping to me learn traversing quicker, then I was all for it.
That’s when I enjoyed skiing the most.
I forgot that my experience could be applied to every situation that I find myself afraid of. And even if it seems like a bad thing at first, you realise it’s not all that bad. Not really. And it builds confidence. You learn from it too. There are more positives that come from facing our fears and going through bad times than when we choose to wrap ourselves in cotton wool.
Great post Jason! You have a knack for setting off neurons.
Gemma! This. Is. EPIC.
You TOTALLY expanded on my article, I love it.
You’re right, we ARE often worried about pain/injury, but not physical — instead, EGO-pain.
And your story of skiing, turning, and falling is the perfect example, relevant to many, I’m sure.
What I really love is you ENJOYED it the most when you embraced your ‘hurt ego’ and just grew, learned, and improved.
I’m super-glad you got so much from the post, and super-glad you feel the neuron-firing power of RYZE 😉
Keep ryzin’!
P.S. Grammar errors add realness and character, even though I like having high-standards for my ‘released work’ 🙂
Ah!! Apologies for all those ridiculous grammatical errors! 🙁
I had a friend whose mother was murdered by his father while he was only in high school. During senior year, his girlfriend committed suicide. Shortly after graduation he was diagnosed with cancer & passed away before he reached the age of 21.
I don’t understand, even after reading this post, why all that happened to him. He was a seriously nice guy & his story stays with me. I can say for my own life, everything supposedly “bad” has worked out for a “good”, & I’m really happy with where I have ended up, even if I took quite a circuitous route to get here. But man — that friend of mine — where was the sense in all of that? He never had a chance to be either heroic or bitter. Happy as I am for ME, I resent the hell out of the shit my friend went through.
Mostly I just think life sucks. It plays favorites & tortures people for fun & takes no prisoners & is a serious cheater. If life were an actual PERSON, I’d call it an asshole. Having said all that, I’m now depressed & thus need a Coke & a bag of donuts.
Wow! Andi… intense!
I hear what you’re saying, and this comes up in almost every discussion about “things working out” or “life being good” that I’ve ever had.
People will mention utter atrocities and demand an explanation for the holocaust, infant deaths, etc.
I have answers that satisfy me, but usually the people asking these questions don`t feel open-minded, calm, or emotionally stable enough to receive my answers.
All I can do is point things in the right direction:
For example… the power and importance of MYSTERY in life, which I wrote about here:
http://slymarketing.com/marketing-through-the-fear-3-keys/
Or how important it is to realize that “life cut short” and “death” in general are PART of life, INEVITABLE, and not a bad thing. It’s not something I wish for people, but I’ve had people close to me die, and ultimately, I was able to accept that that is okay, and we all die at our appointed time, whether ‘early’ or ‘late.’ Which I’ve written about here:
http://ryzeonline.com/dirty-soul-words
The trick I find is that each individual is the only one qualified to say whether they lived a good life. You say everything “bad” turned out “good” for you — if I were to speak with your friend during his last moments, or perhaps even “after death”, would he say the same thing, or would he say life sucks?
Interesting question/thought, to me anyway.
Ah well, thank you so much for sharing such a powerful story from your life, and raising ‘big’ questions, Andi, and doing it with class. You rock 🙂
If any of those pieces help… fantastic! If you want to stick with your “life sucks” belief, it’s all good, you’re entitled… hopefully you stick around with Ryze even though that is never the message I speak, even when I’m utterly crushed by life 🙂