"Weep for yourself, my man,
You’ll never be what is in your heart
Weep Little Lion Man,
You’re not as brave as you were at the start." – Mumford & Sons, Little Lion Man
Sometimes I feel like batman.
Oh man that was fun to type.
I was watching Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight Rises (great film) last night, and I could really feel Bruce Wayne’s pain.
I’m just gonna tell it like it is, up close and personal.
…Sometimes I feel like I pour my heart out to help the world, and my only friend and confidante is a crotchety-but-warm butler, and in the end, even he leaves.
Batman’s a lonely, solitary figure who wants passionately to create a better world.
Sometimes I feel lonely and solitary and I’m always wanting to create a better world.
Lemme bare my soul…
I don’t really talk with my immediate family. A long pattern of them not engaging me on topics I care about, as well as them getting me to make time in my schedule and ‘forgetting’ our meeting, has put me on a different path than them for now.
My extended family have been mostly blue-collar workers who never wanted to come to my neck of the woods, only seeing me at family gatherings or if I hand-deliver my incredible wisdom to their doorstep, and they too, somehow cancel any meeting we setup.
And hell, you’ve read about my failed long term relationships. I could write something similar for business partners.
Most of my old friends can barely hold a conversation with me. I ask what’s new – they say "nothing" – they ask me what’s new, I ramble on about all the amazing Ryze developments, or personal growth.
Sometimes I don’t even feel like a good fit for the City I Love So Deep.
And I don’t blame anyone. I take full responsibility – every relationship takes two sides, so whatever’s meant to be.
Overgiving caused it. Expecting others to be as intelligent, observant, or as giving as me caused it. Following my feelings caused it, and it was all for the best.
For example, recently someone I believed could hang with me and grow with me, showed that they’re not ready, either.
Someone I gave my passion and energy to for years, basically closed up, sulked and disappeared.
So be it – I’m sure they’re doing fine 🙂
The balls in their court – I don’t beg people to share my awesomeness. I know *how*, *when*, and *who* to give to.
And I do give.
I’m a (virgo) giver. I dispense near-miraculous, inspired, well-phrased insight with spirit, sex, and style.
I still connect with people easily and well, just not as deeply as I’d like. I’m charismatic and charming and I get along with people very, very well.
Plus my natural gifts have always earned me points.
In fact, I’ve helped more than one person strengthen their relationships and friendships and sex lives. I’ve helped people clarify their confused ideas, and find their purpose, and really move forward.
And the fake ones who disappeared from my life have made room for REAL videographers, REAL radiant women, and REAL fans.
And my moments are happier more than most people’s I know, even in situations most people would panic in, still I thrive.
I’m a positive badass, and I do pretty well with that.
So, like, great, right?
Well, if I express my true heart…
…there have been some pretty hardcore feelings of loneliness and discouragement.
You can never find yourself, without losing yourself. You can never experience joy without at least a moment or two of deep despair.
"So the love is gone, til blood is drawn
and we no longer wear the same uniform–
Fuck you squares, the circle got smaller
The castle got bigger, the walls got taller
And truth be told after all that said…
Nigga’s still got love for you" – Jay-Z, Why I Love You.
- Yes, I’ve moved on and ditched the subtle, silent haters.
- Yes, I’ve learned from all the shitty giving I’ve done.
- Yes, I’ve embraced the people I’ve invested in, but that I’ll have to wait years for them to even recognize what was given.
And so what’s left?
Well, in The 5 Stages Of Badass, I talk about stage 4, the hidden badass, where you’re moving forward with your vision and life, but doing so meant you had to cut ties or be shunned by your old circles, with a bit of down time until you get newer, better, more loyal circles who can see the real you, and grow with you.
The Hidden Badass can be a pretty lonely, solitary time. All great successes go through it. Buddha 7 weeks under the Bodhi tree, badass Aaron Ralston spent 127 hours alone, and most recently Eckhart Tolle spent 2 years on park benches in London.
And so here I am, and whether or not I’m on the scale of the badasses above, I do sometimes feel alone. All I have is the here and now, and what I live and breathe …
(That and a new form of meditation I’ve learned that works insanely well for me. Often I barely even sleep, and I too spend a lot of my time meditating in parks and sitting park benches.)
I love coaching and blogging and creating art. I love my work. I love Ryze.
And most importantly, I love you guys.
The people I feel a connection to. Peeps who vibe with me, get me, and conribute to a shared community.
And I’m very, very grateful for experiences like this one with Danny Iny, where I get to shine next to another badass who ‘gets it’.
And I can tell you about new awesome experiences.
Recently a client sent me a really heartfelt gift.
She wanted it to be concert tickets, but logistics weren’t coming together, so she sent a tip.
So nice, right?
Well, it gets even nicer. It was a giant tip (50% of my normal coaching rate)!
She did this completely and utterly unprompted — from the goodness of her heart.
She even went so far as to let me know that even if, for some freak reason, we never spoke again, she stood firm knowing I was pure gold, and she’d continue following and sharing my work til the ends of time 😛
She accepts me and my fresh views. She’d never dismiss my value, awesomeness or my work because of her personal feelings.
This is the client, connection, friend I’ve always dreamed of.
Someone who put personal bullshit aside, and realized that I’m 100% dedicated to their success. That my wisdom and insight is brilliant and worth spreading, no matter what.
She made me promise to use the cash for something fun.
The funny thing is all my favorite ‘fun’ activities, the one’s I’ve done for years with friends, haven’t seemed that appealing lately.
I’m so focused on work.
And most of the things I enjoy doing, I love doing together, with company.
Sure, I’m independent and private, but I really love partying with peeps.
And if you’ve followed me for a while, you know I was super-popular when I was younger.
- I know every restaurant in the city, and had no one I felt like taking out.
- I know all the rock-climbing gyms, but all my climbing buddies have faded away.
- I love chillin’ with people, but my fam is distant or in other countries, so are my friends.
- I love concerts but I’m not really in a position for late night partyin’ right now.
- I love um… sensual experiences, so I guess could enjoy a place like the oh-so-elite Muse Massage Spa — but I’ve been fasting and re-balancing my body and energy lately – and I always listen to my body.
Excuses to avoid fun? Not exactly. It’s just that the most fulfilling things for me have been to meditate and work lately.
So what to do?
Well I’ve used her beautiful gift, to nourish and re-charge myself.
Some people do this out of over-indulging, addiction, or splurging. I do it with conscious presence of mind.
I do it because investing in yourself and trusting your gut and honoring a beautiful gift from a beautiful woman is real power.
And that reminds me of another similar occurrence a while ago, a gift from my friend Tanya when I desperately needed it, no questions asked.
This woman is beautiful, and I haven’t seen her in ages, but I’d love to connect with her.
And, and, and… I get lots of stuff like this.
- I’ve been buying some crazy good superfoods, and my body feels amazing.
- I’ve been taking myself to movies like Dark Knight Rises.
- I’ve been investing in my favorite online game, League Of Legends.
- I’ve been buying new clothes, from Parasuco, Diesel, and Tokyo Five.
- I’ve been on a pilgrimmage to nature. It’s beautiful.
And that’s not all, I keep meeting cool people all the time.
On Tues. I’m going to meet Evan Carmichael and I’ve got a few more interviews + podcasts lined up.
What I really wanna share with you guys though, is that whether I was homeless, in jail, abandoned, betrayed, alone or whatever — life has always come through for me.
Sometimes through nick-of-time money, sometimes through gifts, sometimes through ‘angels’, sometimes through clues + signs + feelings… but it’s always come through.
‘Cause the thing is, there’s something wicked powerful inside all of us, that helps us out when things look rough.
You know it.
Deep down you know it.
It’s the thing that helps us ryze, no matter what, and I don’t have a name for it, I just know it delivers.
And so even in the most solitary, discouraging circumstances, I can feel connected.
Even when I look at a week and think "wow, I’ve spoken barely a word to anyone," I’m still connected to something badass that reminds me I’m resourceful, and reminds this too shall pass.
So what I’m saying is…
If any of you have ever felt alone, unheard, misunderstood, dismissed, or discouraged.
I’ve been there. I feel ya.
Make peace with loneliness. Make peace with no one getting you. Make peace with dismissal and discouragement.
It’s temporary, and may lead to the foundation of your brand, your life’s work, or even more.
it’s a chance for you to shine.
And if you want to talk or need a hand with it, drop me a line. Then there’ll be two 😀