Quick — Name 3 things everybody thinks about, but rarely talks about.
Here’s mine:
Masturbation, anger, and suicide.
Now think about that…
7 billion people on the planet, all caring and thinking and feeling deeply about these topics – but no one expressing anything about it.
- Maybe they hate these things – but no one will say “I hate anger.”
- Maybe they’re confused about it – but no one will say “yes, I’m confused about it.”
- Maybe they’re hungry for one of ‘em – yes, it happens, there are time’s when people feel like “yes I really wanna jack off” or “yes, I really feel like ending it all.” –
It doesn’t mean they’ll act on them, but these are totally valid feelings, that can and often need to be, expressed.
And there are billions of words on the net, but none of them are really touching on this stuff.
How can we talk about every topic under the sun, except masturbation, anger, and sucide?
It’s weird.
Do you need to read another article about “Hurricane Sandy?” or “Halloween?”
Is what you really need, another inspirational speech telling you to ryze up?
Because I can do that too.
But I bet the reason millions of listeners listen to Eminem songs, is ‘cause he talks real talk and expresses real feelings about the things everyone’s too timid and shy and repressed about.
It’d surprise you how many people invite me to write a post, and then reject my article when I send it to them.
I’ve had them rejected because they talk about sex.
I’ve had them rejected because of swearing.
I’ve had them rejected because I talk about death.
I’ve had tons of rejection, and I’m proud of it.
You can hang with anyone you want, read what you want, and say whatever you want — but who in society has the personal power to say what needs to be said, and to shine light on things that we all hide in the darkness?
Well… I do that, and I’m proud of it.
Hopefully you like it.
Hopefully you like me for me.
Hopefully you see the beauty, power, and value in what I share.
Hopefully you don’t snap or judge or run away.
But hey, it’s cool if you do. I’ve had my share of haters, some of them my own ‘family’ and ‘friends’ 🙂
See… sometimes people need to horribly overreact when they encounter a new idea, or a different behavior.
It’s all good.
I’m here to help people move forward, and to do my part to help shift attitudes and make peace with certain parts of life that have been neglected.
And I feel that we could all use someone speaking frankly, clearly, and directly about it.
So… that being said.
Today I’m gonna talk to you about “suicide.”
I know, I know, this is “heavy shit”, right?
Well, it doesn’t have to be.
Everybody breathes, and that’s not a heavy topic.
Everybody smiles, and that’s not a heavy topic.
Everybody dies, and … it can be an easy topic too.
And I’m gonna make it easier for you, by giving you some real talk about it, from someone who’s been there, more than once.
See, I’ve gone through some pretty intense times lately.
And I feel pretty confident in saying this: they’re times that would make most people feel suicidal.
Some people say I shouldn’t “talk about other people”.
Bullshit.
I’m not gonna pretend like hugs don’t feel great to most people.
I’m not gonna pretend that homelessness, failure, arrest, betrayal, loneliness, and being robbed all in the same year or so doesn’t make someone feel like giving up on life.
Those things happened to me, and they brought those feelings up for me, and I bet they would for you too.
Now…
I’m still here, sharing my story with you, so clearly, I didn’t act strongly on those feelings, but I did feel them, and admit them, and express them – which is totally different from most.
But how many people are gonna share this kind of thing with you?
#1 Wealthiest, youngest female rap star, Nicki Minaj, lived dark times. Life was stomping on her dream, and basically suggesting she’d not be able to fulfill her life purpose.
“I kept having doors slammed on my face,” Minaj recalled of her pre-fame struggles. “I felt like nothing was working. I had moved out on my own, and here I was thinking I’d have to go home. It was one dead end after another. At one point, I was, like, ‘What would happen if I just didn’t wake up?’ That’s how I felt. Like maybe I should just take my life?” – Cosmopolitan Interview
If it’s okay for Nick Minaj to feel intense feelings, and to speak of ’em, why can’t others?
See, part of living your life, using the power of your story, and being the unique person you are… is acknowledging your reality and experiences.
Most people try to pretend some part of their life doesn’t exist, and it holds them back, big time.
So, I’m gonna give you the steps you need to transform the most painful parts of your life, like suicidally wanting to give up.
They can’t tell you this stuff on the Suicide Hotline because they have so much red tape.
Okay, that’s not exactly why… ‘cause if you look deeper into *why* there’s so much red tape, it’s because people are overly sensitive, they won’t take responsibility for their own thoughts and feelings, and basically… most people’ve got no balls.
We live in a society that continually hides their real thoughts + feelings.
We live in a society that tries so hard to be civilized robots, that they forgot they’re actual human beings.
And yes, the people around you want to help you, but they don’t really know how.
Because real love means being honest, telling the big truths, and sometimes the truths hurt.
Either way, the point is — it’s easy to transform pain and issues, but no one teaches this stuff.
Surprise, surprise, right?
Step 1 – Acknowledging Reality.
- This means acknowledging how you feel about your current circumstances.
- This means not putting a happy face on things.
- This means expressing, as healthily as you can, whatever you’re feeling.
If you’re cheating on someone, then admit it to yourself. If you’re in debt, admit it, own it. Make peace with it.
The easiest way I’ve found to do this is to believe something like:
“Well, life’s a giant mystery, I’m not exactly sure how I ended up here, but I’m cool with it. This is my life, and I’m sure it’s for a reason.”
This may or may not work for you, but “I bet” you’ve never tried it, and it’s worth a try.
It’s super important that you acknowledge and make peace with stuff.
Step 2 – Letting Go
*This step is basically automatic, once you’ve done step one.
If you acknowledge your feelings about something – they change – usually pretty fast.
How many feelings really stay the same, once you embrace them?
For example, if you get pissed at someone for ‘abandoning’ you, and you try and act civil, or you always hide it from others, or you make yourself numb to it, that thing is gonna be a huge issue in your life.
The thing you hide will be a secret you’re always walking on eggshells around.
Do you want to walk on eggshells, always avoiding certain topics?
Does that sound like freedom?
Hiding things will hold you back in life. Period.
It’s important to acknowledge ’em, and let ’em go.
Celebrities are pretty good at “letting go”, ‘cause they’ll take a sex-scandal or some ‘faux pas’ that most people would hide, and they’ll just acknowledge it in interviews and stuff.
So…
How do you know if you’ve let it go?
You’re deeply, totally, 100% ready to talk about/joke about it with others, and you’ve most likely already done that, and proved it to yourself.
Step 3 – Moving Forward
The last step is “moving forward.”
Most people don’t acknowledge their anger or pain, they hide it, they won’t let it go, and they stay stuck, never moving forward.
This kinda sucks, and you can do better, and it’s easy.
Easy, easy, easy.
It takes no time, no money, and none of the things that usually hold you back are involved.
It’s just acknowledging, letting go, and moving on.
How do you know if you’ve moved on?
Because when you’ve moved on… you can discuss the ‘issue’ any time.
You can admit it, you can even joke about it.
There are people who were in jail, and for awhile, they tried to hide it, but once they’ve let go and moved forward they can make jokes about “their convict days.”
There are peeps who’ve been cheated on, and for a while, it’s a big issue, but once they’ve moved on they can joke:
“Lol, I was a punk kid, and I didn’t know how to handle myself in relationships, and now I’ve learned… ‘life lesson #146: spot potential cheaters a mile away, and don’t stand for that, period’. Smart, right?”
THAT’S moving forward.
So… now that you understand how to embrace ‘intense pain’ and issues…
…let’s apply it to suicidal feelings.
I said earlier that everyone feels this stuff at some point in life.
And there’s a very, very good reason for this.
People are free, powerful, and able to decide.
Being free, powerful, and able to decide means that we always have the “option” of heading to the grave a bit early.
This feeling happens when people feel so stuck, so limited, so crushed and held down that they feel powerless.
If I feel powerless, then I almost desperately wanna feel better.
And I can feel better, but only through the steps above: acknowledgement, letting go, moving forward.
So I gotta acknowledge: “I feel powerless and crushed, and I’d rather die than live a life like this.”
If I pretend like “no, it’s not possible, I can’t take my own life”, then I’m basically limiting myself, restricting my freedom, closing down my options, and showing that I’m unable to die for something I believe in.
But if I feel the misery, and I admit to myself that “yes, right now, I feel like ending it all, and I really, really do have the option and power to do this…” all of a sudden, my feelings change, and I feel more powerful.
Instead of feeling crushed and stuck and hopeless, all of sudden, almost like magic – I feel like “hey, at least there’s one way out.”
I feel like there’s some hope of change or relief.
Oh sure, it’s not my #1 choice.
And the chances of me actually doing it are very slim, just like most of the population of the planet.
Because that’s the thing:
Everyone *feels* like ending it sometime, but almost *none* will actually do so.
As well, following the process I’ve outlined here, lessens the chances of that happening even more!
Feeling these things is part of being human and realizing birth, death, and mortality.
So how come I’m the only one speaking up for humanity?
How come only I talk about the fact that anger, loneliness, horniness, etc. are part of life, and actually contribute to life, in their own ways.
I dunno, but I do know what’s simple: People have feelings.
So let’s stop repressing and hiding them.
Figure out a healthy way to express them.
I’m practically begging you.
You can do it here, at Ryze. I don’t judge, I embrace everything.
Isn’t life easier with more people embracing and sharing fresh outlooks like this?
Food for thought.
Hi! I'm J-Ryze, I help heroes #ryze their empires.
i want to let go of suicidal feelings i know that they exeact and i know it is an option i cant talk to anyone about not family i cant tell them anything actually there to busy with the own problems im 19 year old by the way. my friends if i tell them they tried to covenice me its not an option., and of corse i cant tell school conserlsers or my thrypist cuase they send me to rehab put me drugs that kill my crativty i have friends who did this its not pretty i dont now how to let go but god the feeling is killing me i dont how how deal and your amzing with this
Ashely, thank you so much for sharing this here. You’re not guilting anybody, you don’t sound needy, you are just expressing pure and simple, your true feelings.
That’s beautiful. Thank you so much. Thank you.
It really means a lot to me that you’re bold enough and badass enough to express yourself.
Most of society over-reacts when someone feels horny, or suicidal. They don’t understand that everyone feels these things, and that these feelings almost always pass.
It’s possible that I’ll just say what everyone else says, or maybe not what you wanna hear, but I’m going to try my best, and give you real talk.
You are powerful.
As each moment passes, you have the chance to end your own life, no one can take that from you.
You have feelings.
They exist for a reason, not to torture you, but to guide you, and they only work when you embrace them, accept them, and understand them.
You have this choice all the time.
And it’s important that you make a decision you feel good about.
Personally, I feel that anyone who is as brave and creative and courageous to express like you have here, has a LOT to offer the world — and if you agree, then make a decision to remain alive, touching people and contributing as best you can.
At the same time, I can’t take away the other decision from you, it exists, and you can choose either way.
I will say that most large-scale successful people, have a very dark, very tortured period of their lives, but they hit rock bottom, they feel that in their gut, and they rise out of it, and I imagine you’re one of those types, following that path.
I hope you’re feelin’ the love, Ashely, and feel free to keep expressing and leep ryzin’!
Also, you may want to listen to this man talking about his deep, dark, suicidal depression, and Abraham’s response – it’s one of the most unique stories I’ve heard. 🙂
http://youtu.be/C6UMcE9Hv30
Jason,
What you are writing here is so important! Suicide is real – and people who dabble with it feel so alone and lost. Gosh! I wish this article could be put right in front of so many people’s face and have them read it.
I just want to say – I know you’ve been through your struggles man but keep on doing your thing –> you got some knowledge that needs to be heard. If you stop, you won’t just be doing yourself a disservice but the world a disservice as well.
It’s been a while since I commented (been trying to deal with a lot of visa issues and stuff lately). But I’ve been paying attention man (been getting your emails).
I’m not even gonna say “keep on keepin’ it real” because I don’t think you know any other way.
Thanks so much, Izzy!
I write it because *I* feels it’s important, but I’d probably feel very alone if no one else thought so 🙂 I really appreciate your support 🙂
I’m pretty sure this article CAN be put in front of many people’s faces, I offer it free lol 🙂 It’d just needs to keep spreading and tweeting and sharing and I like imagining that it’ll reach a supportive media-personality or someone with a giant audience 🙂
Anytime’s the right time and I’m really glad to have you aboard man 🙂
Real talk’s what we do here 🙂
Thank you for sharing this post, I totally understand where you are coming from, people are scared to express how they are feeling because of what other peoples reactions will be. A lot of people commit suicide because they have not had the chance to express their emotions and they feel trapped, so if people opened up more to the discussion of suicide it may actually prevent people from doing it in the first place.
Bam! Spot on, Melita!
What is repressed, and unaddressed, causes stress.
What is hidden, unexpressed, and unspoken, eats people alive.
Fear of our own emotions, or the reactions of others causes allll kinds of problems — I do NOT recommend it.
Thanks so much for “getting it” and for sharing this, Melita.
Wow, great post Jason. I will admit that at some point in my life I have experienced this at low points of my life, but I knew deep down I just didn’t want to feel the pain anymore and for some that’s the quick answer. Not for me, but I would be lying if I said, I never thought about it. Life is too precious and we are here for some reason. My mother told me once that not everything is going to go your way in life and a few curve balls will hit you in the face, but it’s how you bounce back and respond to it that matters.
Woo, excellent stuff here, Sonia. Thanks for “coming clean” with everyone here, and showing an example of someone who’s thought about it, but not acted on it.
I believe *everyone* would be lying if they said they’ve never even once thought about it. Mortality, birth, death, and the power of choice are common to us all, and part of the human condition.
Your Mom has it right… it’s how we respond 🙂
Hopefully I respond in ways that suit 😉 Thanks for the feedback!
Man, you’re awesome. I appreciate you for who you’re and like you for who you’re and have been. I wanna ask you how do you get those awesome lines – “sometimes people need to horribly overreact when they encounter a new idea, or a different behavior.” People really need to because they resist change, most of them. But they often fail to realise that if they resist change, they can never be themselves.
Coming back, I honestly think Step 2 is the toughest. I mean I’ve been through a depression a year ago and I was (somehow) able to acknowledge the reality but I just couldn’t let go. Those negative thoughts, feeling insecure and what not. That has been the toughest part for me. Even today, I do get a few negative thoughts but I’ve learned to control them and nip em’ in the bud.
Yep, I agree moving forward is easy once you let go.
You couldn’t have finished it better – Embrace Everything! That’s what my latest post talks about. Your post came at the right time. Feel awesome again. I’ve ‘ryzen’, thanks!
Aditya
:):):)
Thanks, Aditya!
Really, man. When I express myself, I aim to stay on purpose and show love.
I’m really hoping to be appreciated for who I am 🙂 Thank you.
As for the awesome lines, I didn’t always have them.
I wanted it, so I focused on it 🙂
I started to watch and pay attention to all the world’s wittiest people and authors. I watched a lot of comedians, I read Oscar Wilde, etc.
I’m glad you’re feelin’ it 🙂
In my experience, most people aim to:
-control thoughts
-manage thoughts
-deny thoughts
-resist thoughts
-etc.
and that means they are not doing the easiest solution ever —
Let the thoughts go.
“I breathe and I let these worries and concerns and stresses go.”
Sometimes it’s that simple 🙂
And best of all, I’m so glad the timing was right, you’re enjoying and ryzing from what I share.
When I was 15, I’d been moved from several foster homes, and I felt unloved, unwanted, and beyond despair. I actually did attempt to take my own life by downing 45 anti-depressants I’d saved up in advance. I wound up with a stomach pump and a 3 day holiday in the ICU. I’ve come a long way since those days, and this is the first time I’ve ever had the courage to put this in print. The suicide ledge is a dangerous one to be on, and it’s important for people to start talking about their feelings and getting in touch with their innate humanness. More lives would be spared, especially with more compassion and understanding from the rest of the world. Excellent post that touched me deeply. Thank you.
Wow. Just… wow, Amberr. I wanted to respond to this earlier, but either way, here I am.
What an awesome, inspiring story to share. Thanks so much for your vulnerability here, it’s really beautiful.
I’m very glad it turned out for the best and you’re creating such amazing stuff over at Bump On A Blog 🙂
I also agree it’s important for people to EXPRESS intense feelings as safely and healthily as possible, whether it be with a friend, professional, or on a blog like Ryze.
I aim for that compassion and understanding you talk about, and I’m super glad you contributed here. Maybe your example will inspire others to share also. 🙂
P.S. If anyone reading this is struggling with depression or suicide, I encourage you to read Amy Clover’s story over at her blog StrongInsideOut.com — she went through something similar and almost didn’t reach her 30th birthday. It’s pure love.
http://stronginsideout.com/about/
hey bro,
great post, and having the guts to talk about it, seems to cause others to open up too. Just like Linkin Park say “It starts with one”. Who knows, maybe we’ll all talk about stuff like this in future with ease 🙂
I’m sure that’s the world you can imagine and are creating. Stay up 🙂
Ah, wicked bro, wicked 🙂
Thanks for checking it out and leaving some positive feedback!
Ryze’s Fresh Views On Taboos is meant to be ‘real talk’ that encourages others to open up too.
I love that you quote Linkin Park here, because I believe the most successful pop artists are spouting timeless wisdom over and over, most people simply don’t notice it 🙂
And you got it — for sure that’s the world I see being created it takes boldness, open-ness, and understanding 🙂
Thank you for this article. Suicide is seen as a “taboo” topic but I think it’s important to talk about it because so many of us have felt like killing ourselves. And for some people they feel like it’s the only option because they feel like their life just won’t get better. That’s good advice about acknowledging how you feel. 🙂
And thank YOU, MoonSparkle for recognizing the importance of this. You’re right, so much hidden needs brought to light. So much internal needs expressed, and Ryze aims to be an allowing, accepting, safe place to do it 🙂
It’s amazing how often *acknowledging* and expressing something and talking a bit about it relieves all the stress and tension, and changes things.