Disclaimer:
Note: Writing from the perspective “guy dates girl”, ’cause a) I love women and b) I don’t wanna be writing "he/she" the whole time. That said, all this can all apply for guys or girls or other or w/e, K?
I savored my weekend by spending time with two hot chicks. My life’s been pretty adventurous lately and my mind, body, and soul needed some… well… release.
The first girl, Yumi, was co-operative, open, and (literally) jumped at the chance to be with me. The second girl, Nelia, blew hot & cold, didn’t follow simple directions, and disrespected my schedule.
Dating them, taught me about my self.
Seeing these two —back-to-back— Saturday & Sunday put things in perspective.
See, I was beyond popular in school, and I’ve always had women in my life— friends, clients, girlfriends, etc.
And I’ll admit that most of them were of a certain physical ‘type.’ Yes, I see all women as beautiful, but if you look at the pattern of girls I attract, they’re pretty … um … ‘sexy.’
What can I say? 🙂
Anyway, I’m telling you this so what I say next makes sense.
Peeps with little personal experience with models & pornstars tend to hold awkward beliefs about ‘hot chicks.’
Like, hot chicks are almost inhuman in some people’s eyes.
They’re ‘celebs’. They’re ‘bitches’. They’re ‘out of your league.’ They’re ‘high-maintenance.’ They’re ‘emotional.’ etc.
That’s like saying ‘all rich guys are cocky assholes.‘
It’s simply not true.
Maybe some are, but not every single one on earth, or even in your city, falls into those categories.
Some hot chicks are awesome.
The weekend in question, I’d attracted one of each type, because of who I was being and how I was carrying myself.
You only attract what you’re a match to.If you work on yourself and get really fucking clear on your standards for what you want in a girl (or girls), you’ll attract that type.
When I say ‘clear’, I mean when someone asks you "your type" — you can ramble for ages about it. You can passionately write pages about it. You don’t hesitate, you don’t stumble, you are stunningly clear.
And when you get this clear, things change. Believe it.
The women in your life will change. Some’ll transform, some’ll leave, new ones’ll show up.
The chicks you’re used to having in your life, may no longer ‘click’ very well with you.
Why might you suddenly be abandoned?
Because you grow at your own pace, in your own direction, and so do others. Period. That’s life.
When you zig, and others zag, you’re suddenly alone in a new place.We don’t get to choose how quickly people co-operate, they do.
They might come on board with your choices, but once you get clear on your shit, the women you know might just disappear and make room for way better.
It’s their call too. It takes two.
This was a tough pill for my young self.
But I got it eventually. I learned that…
‘Ruthlessly’ standing up for my wants is loving.
It avoids mismatched relationships & broken hearts. It promotes healthy relationships & true connection.
So I’ve spent a lot of time, energy, and focus getting clear on what I want.
My whole life is focused on devleoping myself and being the best J-Ryze I can be.
Not everyone develops themselves so passionately.
Like Steve Pavlina, I experiment with myself and my life. I’ve failed a lot, but it’s turned me into something pretty awesome – trial-by-fire style. 🙂
Liz Leia, dating coach, said this about me:
"…Jason Fonceca from Ryze. I know that many women don’t believe that men who are willing to be this caring, open, and vulnerable even exist–so here’s Jason proving that belief wrong! Enjoy!"
One of my gfs (Hailey) was doing a checklist in some relationship book, and said I had everything that makes a "great catch".
Interestingly, when I said I needed some time on my own to get back on my feet, the same girl dumped me with a 2 line e-mail, but hey, I’ll still take the compliments.
I don’t say this to brag — though it does make me look oh-so-good — I say it ’cause it’s feedback you get when you’ve gone through years of failure and self-awareness.
Pain is insight.
It’s not the "funnest" thing people can imagine, but it’s a sure way to a shit-ton of growth.
And I’ve a lot of painful failures to tap into.
In the same way I have 8 ‘failed’ businesses under my belt, I also have 8 ‘failed’ LTRs (long-term relaionships) and I’m gonna take you through some of my harsh lessons.
Ready? Let’s dive in.
The Ryze Chick Stories: First 4
Here’s an overview on some women from my past.
Note: they might tell you a different story, and that’s cool. Two sides and all.
Hopefully I’m being inclusive and taking responsibility for my role in things, and I’m not out to paint a crappy pic of them. They’re great chicks. (I have awesome taste :P)
Either way, no excuses… I’m always learning and getting better, and I’m definitely not a saint (though I pretended I was a child).
Note 2: the images are just random celebs & models swiped from the net. I’m not trying to out anybody or point fingers 🙂
 Jayden – High-school stuff. Gossip. Rumour-mill. But it got me my first kiss and my love of smooth complexions and vibrant smiles. Might not count as an actual LTR. 😛 Dates: The park, the stairwell, recess. I learned: women are one of the greatest things on earth to me. I wished she’d: be more sexual. |
 Regina – Dated for quite a while, also in high-school but her drama, strict asian-upbringing, and self-deprecation got old fast. I loved her passion, her hunger for my attention, her cuteness and thoughtful, supportive gift-giving. A really beautiful soul who eventually…um… dated my best friend. Awkwarrrd. Lol. Dates: Dances, cafeteria, library, parties. I learned: Mostly I learned what I didn’t want. I didn’t want high-school, self-cutting for attention bitchiness. But hey, it was high school. I wished she’d: Be positive. |
 Lauren – Regina’s hotter best friend. I was too girly at the time, and she was too masculine. I got all angsty and emotional toward the end, which felt like not the real me. Eventually I became a badass and skipped her wedding to work on my business. She never sat down to hear my side of the story, or ever talked to me again. Not the smoothest, but I learned a lot about myself. Dates: Movie-nights, parties, theatres, eateries, parks, swim-meets… I learned: How I like conversations to go. That I love stunning eyes, bone-structure and curves, decorated well, but like I said, she dressed and acted mostly like a tom-boy. I wish she’d: be sexier, support my business. |
 Roxy (round #1) – This chick openly and enthusiastically asked me to use my art skills to create something beautiful for her. Sweet! I love it. I was inspired and psyched. We dated long-distance, this is back when I was a pussy. Unsurprisingly now, but gut-wrenching at the time, she cheated on me. She had the decency to admit to it, and we stayed friends. I’m pretty comfortable with mistakes, forgiveness, etc. She had a lot of great feminine energy. She was bubbly, happy, laughing, chatty, eager, sensual, sexual, etc. – I was a chump who just kept giving her my skills, talents, time, money, etc., she just kept taking. Eventually I learned to set boundaries. (And I do mean … eventually.) Dates: Insanely intense, soulful phone-sex. Yeah, I said it. I am, after all a master of words, eh? The occasional meeting. I was a rock during some of the roughest times of her life. Go me 😛 I learned: I learned deeper traits I love. From this point on, every chick I’ve ever hung out with has become more beautiful, radiant, open, playful, positive and feminine. (If you check pictures of ’em pre-Ryze and post-Ryze, the proofs there. I’ve transformed hippies into fashionista’s and chubby chicks into fit chicks, straight up.) I wish she’d: Stop settling. |
So that was my first four relationships. There may have been a couple single dates here and there inbetween.
You can see how it’s going, right? Each time I learn something new, want something improved, and the next chick improves on the last.
I consider myself a fast learner, but for some things, it took me forever.
You could probably do it faster. You don’t need a painful LTR to figure out there’s some very important missing qualities, do you?
Here, take a look at my next 4.
The Ryze Chick Stories: Second 4
 Ariel – This girl was the boss and I was under her thumb. I’m not saying she’s like some mean chick who did this consciously, it was just how it went. I take full responsibility for bringing that out in her, this was before I took a stand about who I am. She was the hottest girl at work. I felt lucky to get time with her, and the once or twice she let me in her house and to see her family… I was stunned. She used her beauty to get thrills and attention from all the guys, but realized I was a really positive, supportive long-term prospect, so she went a bit deeper with me. When push came to shove, she wanted everything on her terms at the cost of my joy. Dates: Movie nights, the beach, center island, house parties, sports, games, bars, concerts. I learned: In the end, I put my timid days away, and took a stand like a badass. I quit my job and dumped Ariel in the same night, after telling her what I would and would not accept in my life a week earlier. One of the most badass things I’ve ever done in my life. I learned to be me, and I’m very thankful. I love beautiful hair. I love active chicks, ready to play. I love those who get along with my friends. I wished she’d: Care about bettering herself, care about others. |
 Monica – I was always clear that I wasn’t really interested in Monica, and that this wasn’t a relationship, but the amount of time we spent together and the occasional ‘play’, could qualify it (and DID in her mind anyway.) This chick was a firey, passionate scorpio type, but had so many issues it’d make your head spin. I figured hey, I’m a positive mentor, I can ‘cure’ her, right? HahAHHAaha… she took every ounce of support, work, and attention I could give her but most of what she brought to the table was food, some arts + crafts, and drama (for a while I had a custom jewelry line, but I was also her first paying customer, and helped her found the business :D). Anyway, I loved some things about her. She was really into personal growth, nature, and open to any invitation or chance to be in my life, she didn’t hesitate to say yes — in more ways than one 😉 Dates: Cemetary, rock-climbing, the island, etc. I learned: I learned to express myself clearly. I tried every gentle way I could to get this chick to move her life forward, but in the end, the only thing that worked was withdrawing my presence and being um… extra clear. I wished she’d: Take committed action. Decide. Do what matters. |
 Hailey – This is when I was really psyched for a partner, someone who was in it for real. And she looked like she was… so long as she could manipulate things and she didn’t really have to do anything outside her comfort zones, lol. Turns out it was all lip-service. Her heart wasn’t in it. It was mostly just me being a surrogate Dad, taking care of her emotionally. My bad, again. I introduced her to my friends & fam, brought her on board with my biz, taught her tons of skills, helped her model, filmed her videos, photographed her, started multiple projects she seemed passionate about, got her clients, and generally hyper-extended myself for her, because… being nice is good… right? We’re supposed to be generous, right? Oops. Still, there was so much I loved about this. She was so much the total package. Smokin’ hot, super-expressive, pretty feminine, and super-enthusiastic about me and my life’s work… or so it seemed. She said she’d follow my lead, said she ‘be submissive’, said a lot of things. I thought this was it. She stayed with me through homelessness, so she had to be in it for the long haul, right? Wrong, when I told her I needed to focus on my biz and she could either help, or leave, she went back to her family, who hated me by the way lol, and a regular job schilling for some self-help guru at trade shows. Dates: Lived together, homeless together, events together, picnics, elite Yorkville restaurants, terrace-view hula-hooping, kisses in the rain, fucked against a Fedex store window, etc. I learned: That actions speak louder than words, but emotions speak louder than actions. It sounds small, but it’s insanely key. Get this and doors unlock. Very thankful to Hailey. I wished she’d: Believe in herself, and me, and us. |
Roxy (round #2) – Yeah, Roxy stopped commenting on my website, disappeared, I didn’t hear from her for ages, she dated a bunch of other guys in her small town but… eventually moved to Toronto. She’s been here for almost a year and I still haven’t met her. She continually sets up meetings and as the meetings get closer she becomes less communicative, more awkward, less committed and more flaky. Feels like a potential relatonship of some kind, we could easily renew old connections, but I’ve learned to let these things go and focus on what I stand for. I aim to set up times, places, and awesome dates with this girl — and I am very fucking good at it. I know Toronto inside and out, and as you can see from the list above, take chicks on very cool dates. Just need a bit of co-operation though. Someone who wants me to succeed. Someone who wants to ease my schedule, not make it a nightmare. Someone who values me more like a great concert she’s looking forward to, rather than "some guy under glass" that she can crack open in case of emergency. "I’ll pencil you in", "I’ll get around to it", "I’ll move down the street from you but hide from you" is NOT what I’m about. Dates: A whole bunch of frustrating failed intrusions into my schedule and life, lol. I learned: People grow at their own pace, and that no matter what happens, I’m focused on detached harmony and growing value. I quickly move away from anything that doesn’t feel in line with that. I wished she’d: commit, communicate, and understand. |
Memory-lane has some potholes.
And those are the major ones.
I learned a lot about myself and got clearer on what I want from each experience.
Straight up, there’s aspects I enjoyed from each of these fantastic women, and I’m sure they’re not the same now as they were then (or, y’know… maybe they are, hah.)
We all grow at our own pace, and I’m blessed to learn my lessons and move forward, maybe that’s not how it goes for them.
Some peeps don’t learn until they’re old and miserable, some not at all.Whatever the case, I attracted these women into my life. I decide who enters and exits my life, and based on what criteria. I decide my standards. I take full responsiblity.
And well…basically… I put up with a lot of crap. (Too positive, not enough badass.)
Often times the most positive thing is to cut people loose, but no one teaches you that.
There’s 7 billion people on the planet, half of ’em are chicks, no point trying to force it with the 20 women in our current circles. No point dragging something on by hiding our true feelings or desires.
I want women who bring out my best.
Not ones who bring out my irritation, frustration, and misery.
Jay-Z + Beyonce are pretty cool role-models to look at. Or Tony + Sage Robbins. Or maybe even Charlie Sheen and his (now-ex) Goddesses 😛
I want intimate, ‘adult’ fun but where everyone’s cool with themselves, authentic and open, and responsible for their own feelings and happiness.
No power games, no fear. All harmony. My kinda relationship.If I can be happy through homelessness, arrest, betrayal, losing all possessions and more, I can have happy partners.
So now I’m clear, and I can tell lightning-fast if a chick isn’t on board with easy, fun, harmony.
- If she acts like she’s entitled to my time, nope.
- If she acts aloof or stand-offish and hides her true feelings and communication, nope.
- If she’s not enthusiastic about my work, value, and the awesomeness I bring to the table, nope.
This stuff isn’t hard to sort out. You could sit down and ask any objective friend and they could tell you that none of the 8 chicks I listed above fit these basics very well.
Harmony was like… furthest from their minds. It’s like they’d never learned it, and didn’t wanna learn it, lol. I had some pretty un-co-operative peeps around.
Emotions and drama can be great. A goddess-chick can make life feel deep, alive, and fun – if she wants to.Or she can use her dramatic emotions as an unhealthy way to keep attention on herself.
God, did I learn some lessons.
Well… I didn’t know all this stuff.
It woulda been nice to be born with mastery over this stuff. It woulda been nice to have been taught.
But I didn’t know.
Maybe I’m dumb, but no one taught me the key difference between a hot chick with mature emotions and comfort-in-her-skin, and a hot-chick who’s crippled by her emotions.
They look similar with their boobs and butts and bedroom eyes.
It takes finesse to tell ’em apart.
(Same thing goes for authentic passionate guys, and "jerks".)
So I ended up letting them abuse my generosity and love as a way to fill their personal emptiness, which was never satisfied.
And it took me way longer than I’d like to admit to figure this stuff out.
Hopefully reading this can spark things for you, help you understand faster and deeper.
I want you to have a life filled with relationships that suit you and feel good, how’s that sound?
I want you to ryze.
Be clear on what suits you.
"I want radiant beauty, devotedly harmonizing with me. I want bubbly playfulness going with the flow. I want to share the best life has to offer. I want masterful feminine emotion & expression. I want enthusiasm and eagerness. I want uplifting and understanding and solace. I want sexiness and surrender and intimate communion, I want someone not just ‘horny’ but interested in evolving sexuality together. I want to feel this stuff clearly and consistently.(Oh, and it doesn’t have to be all in one person either — I’m pretty… open-minded.)"
There. That’s pretty clear and open and vulnerable, for now.
And I don’t have any solid results to show you … yet, but stick around and follow along with my journey.
And challenge yourself: can you do write something like that?
Can you?
Huh?
Most guys – if you ask them what they want in a woman – don’t really know.
P.S. As I was writing this a vibrant woman named "Arri" sat down and started chatting with me.
After today’s failed date, I was very clear on what I wanted and BAM. Results.
She paraded her new platform shoes & gucci shades for me, told me stories of meeting all the stars when she worked at Barney’s in New York, and told me she "wasn’t afraid to use her boobies."
She also noticed when the conversation had pulled me away from writing this article and hinted that she was open to dropping it if it would help me, so we wrapped it up nicely.
She was beautiful and co-operative and I told her so.
I’d say it’s a damn good start.
Hi! I'm J-Ryze, I help heroes #ryze their empires.
Relationships can be tough, but sometimes you need to suck it up and walk down the road for a bit before you begin to really figure it out.
Thanks for swinging by, Jack! Yeah, anyone who’s great at anything has usually ‘failed’ a lot, or at least been willing to experiment and learn.
Go … me? lol 🙂
I love to breakdown and reflect on how relationships work. Not dating, attraction, and sex, even though they play a significant role, but how the dynamics work between two individuals.
More importantly, like you mentioned, what’s being learned with each experience? This is where it matters most. I work with and help a lot of people who seem to be stuck in repeat-mode, not learning their last experience and doomed to stay frustrated about relationships in general. Thanks for sharing!
Hehe… I like to live well 🙂
Well, it’s a funny thing, a little focused thought, self-awareness, and quiet time to reflect, as a break from the constant feed of “advice” and “information” we feed on, does wonders to break cycles, for me anyway — it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
It’s so awesome you help people with stuff like that, J. How’d you get into it?
Jason,
Being an analytical freak I have gone over almost everything about my last relationship. I unfortunately got caught up in the moment and failed to notice some key things that should have turned me off her earlier. Instead I fell stronger and stronger for her because I hadn’t felt that way before.
Looking back I can now learn from my mistakes. From now on I am going to do as you did and write down each thing I like and don’t like about her while in the relationship. It’ll give me more clarity during the relationship.
You and J both brought up analysis, lol 🙂
It’s cool, I’ve been there — at least 8 times, in fact.
Writing is one of the #1 things I teach all my students. Every successful person writes. Even singers and dancers and whatever. They all write for clarity, good for you Jordan!
I’d love to know your preferences for what you want 🙂
I bet this was quite a cathartic post to write, getting clarity around what you want is so much easier by identifying what it is that you don’t want. 🙂 and I bet it brought back a heap of memories too.
I hope you find the girl of your dreams Jason, with the qualities you wish for, but most of all that as time progresses that you are always able to grow in the same direction together.
Lol, it did those things Jackie, and in a very good way 🙂
I feel I’ve let go of all the normal relationship stuff. I’m focused every day on my own feelings, my own impact and value and contribution, and doing whatever I’m called to uplift myself and others.
Interestingly, focusing on such things brings a flood of awesome women lol 🙂
And thank you so much for your kind wishes — that’s some of the nicest things anyone’s ever wished for me 🙂
I always learn something from every relationship, but I learn the most about myself. I try not to pick the other person apart, and think about ways that they could have done better or been a better partner. Nobody’s perfect, and nobody will be a perfect match.
My biggest lesson is that being with someone that compliments me is better than someone that I have a lot in common with. I do better with someone that is strong in areas that I’m weak, and weak in areas that I’m strong. The worst matches for me have been with guys that I have TOO much in common with.
Yeup, you got it. Relationships are a reflection of ourselves, and that’s what we discover more of 🙂
I think most people go through a phase of looking for commonalities, and most people discover that too much in common kinda sucks.
At least that’s how it is in my experience… who knows though, there’s always cool peeps to change things up and show a different way.
Thanks for adding to the chat Denise 😀
You know I love this post…but wanted to add to the comments (c: I think that you never know what you are going to get. I truly love and am so awesomeified (I just made up that word and I like it (c:) by how well you know what you want, that applies to all areas of life and so few can say what you have said. I am married going on 8 years, and I can tell you, I still couldn’t do that. I was married young and if I had such a clear picture of, at the very least, what my value was, what my boundaries were, my marriage would have greatly benefited. Your article does not just apply to those looking for love, but to those in relationships as well. Kudos as always! Xoxo for now, Kate
Woohoo! High praise, Kate. Thanks so much 🙂 I’m really big on clarity and purpose, so I’m glad it shines through.
As for can’t, it’s just a bit of focused writing. In fact, my e-course will walk you right through it: http://ryzeonline.com/foundations-2-0
I know you can do it, it’s just a paragraph 🙂
Thanks again Kate!
Relationships should be exciting and stay that way. Surprisingly enough some people told me I hold to many surprises. I loose my bank card ten minutes before I have to board a flight or something. Never a dull moment.
Exciting relationships tend to last longer but ‘things’ has to come from both ends. Give and take, and all that… Those heels you are describing would have me thinking away from co-operation, but that’s a whole other story…
// Jan
Haha.. well said Jan, and quite the story – what did you do? 🙂 Surprises are a 2-edged sword. People want surprise and variety, but only the kind they *like* 😀
You’re right, it is a whole other story — the give and take stuff is sorted out by this: http://ryzeonline.com/are-you-giving-success-or-are-you-giving-failure
One of the first qualities that I noticed about your writing and what keeps me coming back over and over again is the Awareness with which you write…
These stories about the various women in your life have shaped you into who you are and that’s great.
But it’s the awareness of the reality of each relationship that I appreciate.
Epic as always…
Ryan H.
Thanks so much, Ryan! That’s really nice to hear!
Hehe… you commented on my awareness and a bakery of waitresses just “oohed” and “ahhed” and called me “so deep”. lol.
Either way, I’m glad people are feelin’ what I’m about. The world’s callin’ for awareness, clarity, insight, and I aim to deliver.
And you know what, you just helped me get clearer — I’d like more chicks in my life who are AWARE of what they’re about 🙂
Respect dude!
Much respect…
You’ve real balls Jason!
If I were to write about chicks so blatantly here, I’d be flamed for being a cocky bastard.
Thanks so much, Alden. I’ve focused my life on being real and being who I am, so the ‘balls’ kinda come naturally (pun intended :P)
I could help you NOT be flamed for it. Most of my early years everyone called me cocky, condescending, conceited and elitist. So I learned the difference and real confidence. It’s learnable.
Oh, and do me a favor and tweet this if you’re cool with it 😛
Another amazing post Jason!
I couldn’t agree more. I’ve managed to deliberately change my man-vibration by 180 degrees. I grew up thinking abusive men were “normal”, so I had a very long way to go. My journey to attracting better men led me through a lot of realizations about myself, my own worthiness and my power to create what I really want. And you’re right, it all starts with clarity. Most people don’t know that they even get to define what they REALLY want (and I’m not talking about big boobs or a fat wallet, but what we actually truly want in a partner). Now I attract beautiful men who are kind and smart and funny. And of course, it’s just getting better.
People often say that they want an equal relationship. But you have to realize that equal starts with YOU. If we don’t value our own wishes and needs, how can we expect someone else to? I see nothing wrong with your expectations. I have similar ones, only for men. I expect a man to be confident enough not to be intimidated by me. I expect a man to be able to show me his true feelings and not play games. I expect a man to be kind and respectful and to be self-aware (not really a negotiable thing at this point…) I expect a man to say yes to life and to want to have fun. I expect a man to at least want to be happy.
And yes, all of these expectations came from men I’ve met or dated or been friends with. They were all mirrors for beliefs I held or desires I wasn’t yet clear about.
I wonder what I’ll learn next? 🙂
Huge sexy puppy hugs!
Melody
Epic, Melody, and I’d say you’re doin’ just fine (connected with me after all :P)
I didn’t get into much, but for me to attract chicks like I’ve outlined, I pretty have to BE the guy YOU outlined, but that’s another post.
I’m not a huge fan of the word ‘equal’, because to me, guys + gals are apples + oranges. I know how you meant it, you get it, but I wanted to take the chance to share for readers.
Balance feels fantastic, ‘equal’ feels like something ‘fake’ I put in coffee when there’s no sugar around.
Jason,
Great self-analysis – thanks for bringing us along for the ride! I think your points apply really well to business as well (sorry to get boring on you here). My most recent clients (pre-sale) have been really jazzed about the story I tell, the examples, and “get” the point of the relationship. They’re not hour-watchers, contract-happy types. My most recent non-clients (pre-sale) have been nervous, skeptical and pretty unwilling to invest in themselves or their companies. I can now spot the great matches and quickly eliminate the bad ones. Thanks for putting it into perspective.
Thanks so much, Tom. Self-analysis and awareness, I’m gettin’ props from the community lol 😀
And thanks for your *awesome* parallel to business. To me (and Danny Iny and others) all relationships are basically the same, and the parallels are huge, business or pleasure.
I made a promise to myself to only work with clients that make my heart sing. Clients that I’m thriled to work with.
Then again, at times I was homeless while actually turning down people or firing clients. It’s not everyone’s idea of a good time.
But, to this day, I’ve not had to work with any unpleasant clients 🙂 They trust me, the money’s up front, and our co-operation is off the charts.
Hi Jason,
Wow… You once again push the boundaries of what blogs can be about (that’s 100% compliment). Fortunately I’ve managed to attract ‘the’ chick into my life and married her 😉 and I believe with your attitude – learn from everything – you’ll definitely find ‘the’ chick who fits you.
Thanks for sharing 🙂
Thanks so much, Peter! I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love creative, innovative stuff.
Sounds like I could put you on my role-model list 😀
Maybe I’ll do a sequel 🙂
Hi Jason,
I don’t think anyone has ever said I’d be a good role model before – not even as a joke 😀 So, thanks!
Sure, write a sequel if that feels like the right thing to do. I’m sure many of us are interested to hear how things went with Arri 😛
Totally my pleasure, Peter. You got lots of good stuff going on 🙂
Hehhe… I’ve been a bit more of a ‘player’ lately, but Arri did invite me to NYC.
Jason,
For a second I thought that you actually dated Avril Lavigne and Milla Jovovich but then I realized that those were some random celeb pictures 🙂
Well, I gotta say that my relationship history is very different. In fact, I’m happy to say that both me and my wife attracted each other to our lives 🙂
Sometimes I was a bit sad because of my friends were dating all time while I was the “third wheel”. But then again, I also realized that eventually it’s going to be my turn and I’m going to meet “The One” (which then happened).
Good stuff Jason!
Cheers,
Timo
Well Timo… I’m a Toronto native, and I knew some peeps who knew Avril, but better than that, Ariel actually was physically mistaken, in public, for Avril more than once. It was an interesting relationship.
I figured the random celeb shots would add some flavor, and seems like it worked 😀
Anyway, thanks so much for this Timo.
P.S. There’s a lot of talk of “the one” in the comments section, which I find especially interesting 🙂
Sounds like a heck of a journey to me brotha! 🙂 Enjoy it! And thanks for sharing your experience to help us in our own relationships. Rock on man!
Thank YOU.
And the journey continues man…
Another authentic post Jason. It’s a very unique quality you have. The vast majority of humanity is incapable of looking at their lives introspectively. You sir, have mastered it… whatever it is you write about
Thanks so much, Steve, and I’m thrilled to hear it. Everyone tells me uniqueness is a surefire way to stand-out and succeed lol.
I think you just put me in the “1%” lol 😀
I write about life, from my perspective 🙂
Well look at you Jason, giving us all your scoop on relationships. Sounds like in your young life you’ve had some good experiences.
I know that everything is a lesson learned. I also know that you attract exactly what you think and I did that in all my relationships. I know better now yet haven’t been interested in having another one. But these lessons you’ve shared I’m sure will really be very insightful for many. Ah, if I only knew back then what I know now my life would be so different.
Oh well, that’s what life’s all about. Living and learning my friend, living and learning. That’s something you’ve mastered. Now you can share all this with us.
Thanks for being so transparent Jason, I know I appreciate it. I’m sure all your friends do as well.
~Adrienne
Haha.. you said it, Adrienne. I’ve “lived more” in my young life than most people, from what I gather lol.
Yeup, I take full responsibility for everything I attracted, and I’m glad about it.
And I share what I’ve learned, the wisdom and insight that comes from the pain. 🙂 Hopefully it touches people and gives them a leg up.
I love and cherish every friend I have. Including you, Adrienne 🙂 Thank you
Chicks are cool; all shapes, forms, personalities, etc. All an adventure and all a learning experience.
Too bad I figured it all out after I’ve been married a hundred years. It’s all good though, when you have ‘walk away power’ it’s always interesting to see what buttons you can push. Life is good; I’m livin’ the dream.
There’s a Lakeland kid pitching for the Jays; Drew Hutchinson. My kids played little league with him, kind of cool to see some of the kids make the ‘show.’
Haha… yeah totally, Bill. Just like life 🙂
Don’t we always have ‘walk away power’ ?
And re: your kids + Lakeland + the Toronto Blue Jays — I love it! This is what I like to see, people moving up and our stories improving.
Maybe I’ll go check out a game 😀
Hi Jason,
This was one of the best articles that I have ever read. As a female we never see the other side. We just those rose or not so rosy eyes what is happening to us. We need see how we affect the opposite or how our action limit our potential to find someone great. Awesome article. Thank you so much for letting be subscribe to your network.
Cynthia
What a journey but a learning one overall, which is the only thing that matters. I bet if more people did an exercise such as this, they’d see the same patterns they keep complaining about in relationships that were of course totally their choice and responsibility!
You gotta tell me about the cemetary date though dude! Picnic by random Joe’s tomb? LOL
“Arri” sounds real cool…I’m sure we’ll hear the progress on that one right? 🙂
~Kesha
Yeup, it seems like “learning” is the key here, and everyone picked up on it.
It’s an eye-opener for sure.
Well, it wasn’t planned, we had coffee, went for a walk, it was nice out and I just turned into the cemetery.
We chatted, made out, and somewhere in there…
…they closed the gates.
We walked forever and couldn’t get out. In the end there was a single gate open, but it was hidden, eventually we found it 🙂
Arri’s a friend, who’s a chick, and that’s fantastic. And she’s an awesome role-model for sexy women everywhere. She knows who she is and is comfortable with herself. Badass.
Very good post. Dating is fun, nerve wrecking and a good learning experience. We have to date around to find out what we like in people and what we don’t like. Live and learn! Hopefully learn, anyway. All those failed relationships tend to lead to something that works for you.
Welcome, Amy!
Thanks so much for adding your view 🙂 (Your comment was stuck in spam, apologies :D)
Yeah, I have more experiments & failures than most people I know, and it’s left me feeling very clear and confident on what I like and what suits me 🙂
Thanks for being here, feel free to browse around!
Awesome article Jason, loved the honesty and I think it more people actually took time to figure out what they want instead of what society, their friends/family tell them – relationships would be so much better. I think people resist doing it, I know I did, because it can feel somewhat too analytical or even ‘boring’, but it’s just so important to decide and stick to it.
Glad you’re feelin’ it, Matt! Thanks for being here and adding to the chat.
In my experience, if we take the time to experiment and figure out what we want, it’s not-so-hard to get it 🙂
The struggle comes when we resist experimenting, or resist focusing on what we want 🙂
As for boring — the relationships I’ve shared here were FAR from a boring experience, omg.
Hi there,
It’s a huge article, and I’m lazy enough to read even a 300 worder, though I went through the whole of this piece, pay me back :p read this comment, it’s shorter than your article and I want to return you the favor of teaching me a few things.
You can’t adjust. You’re intelligent. (by this I don’t meant the regular intelligent, I mean the intelligent intelligent.) There were people in the past who were more intelligent than the both of us and they did not ever enjoy a relationship, people assume it is because they lacked the understanding of emotions or love, but clearly they were not that dumb. They knew what emotions are, but they could not emote themselves because they never naturally met people who could serve for them. I met some people who could bring out my emotions, but then they lacked from other perspectives. If you really want a partner, don’t age, just find the most compatible one, even if 5% compatibility is the maximum for you till now, and adjust according to their standards, who knows? You might transform them in the long run, or live single and do what you’re doing, it’s noble.
Goodbye. 😀
P.S. If you’re making a character and situations to cover him to sell your book, I’d say you’re still a good teacher for the sad souls, but then just take no meaning of this comment for yourself but imply it on your created character so that he finds what he’s looking for hahaha..
Hi Nayab! Thanks for reading, I’m glad you got something from it 🙂
I appreciate the words about intelligence and emotion, though I’m not sure I fully understand your meaning.
P.S. This is all taken from my life, not a character from a book 🙂