It all started nice enough…
"Thanks Jason 😛 Your commentary makes me smile!… A lot of what you said is what I already told her in response to the same email, but I think it’s good to have the affirmation." – Teresa
At first Teresa valued my expertise and input, but as soon as the client bristled and started throwing the term "market research" around, Teresa’s attitude changed. She no longer seemed to be backing me up at all.
In fact, the tone of her e-mail felt flailingly angry.
Well … it looks like she’s pissed because I decided to opt-out of the project for the mismatched client she’d approached me with, and walk away from money on the table, (even though I was homeless, and nearly anyone else would be desperate for the cash, I knew it was the right thing to do.)
In fact, I didn’t even walk away at first, I simply expressed that I was feeling uncomfortable with the way the job was going.
She didn’t seem to care about my feelings 🙂
So, after a few (long, fear-driven e-mails) from Teresa, eventually I chose to let the job go.
She didn’t seem to like my ballsy choice, but I’d acted with purpose (and a bit of prayer :P)
I did it because it was the right thing to do.
And as I made my choice, I was always hoping, intending, & wishing that Teresa’d step up like a badass, respect and acknowledge, and address my feelings first, rather than be attached and needy to his client, job, or money.
I’d hoped she’d remain calm and focus on win-win solutions that worked for everyone.
- But she never once asked “how can I help?”
- She never once asked “why did your feelings on this project change?”
- She never once asked “what it was about the situation is a deal breaker for you Jason?”
I expressed my feelings, extremely gently, lovingly, and well…
… and Teresa simply responded with pages of 1) begging/pleading, and 2) bitter labelling and direction on how I need to run my business and should worry about my image.
It was kinda adorable, actually.
‘Cause I’ve been there myself.
- I’ve been in the place where you feel like you have to let clients run the show, and you feel powerless.
- I’ve been in the place where you can’t get people to do what you want, and you feel powerless.
- I’ve been in the place where money + deadlines are everything, and you feel powerless.
And actually, to be honest, I don’t know exactly how Teresa was feeling, but I have a lot of practice with emotions, and my guess is she felt pretty ineffective, unable to get what she wants from me, or from her client, and just powerless in general.
But as I walked away from the money, the project, and Teresa’s minimally-visioned client, who I’d discovered was not a match for Ryze… I felt immensely powerful.
I felt proud of how I handled myself, proud that I didn’t chase money, worry about “my image”, or bow to rants, raves, and pressure.
To me, it`s more practice of Key Life Skills.
- I’ve made friends with inmates in jail, judging nothing.
- I’ve made friends with porn stars and their life choices, judging nothing.
- I’ve stayed with raging alcoholics, fled — and then returned to aid in their recovery.
- I`ve travelled across country with no money and no bank card.
- I’ve run my business from the streets, sometimes for years.
All examples of practicing important life-skills.
I’m not sure, but I’m possibly one of the most open, accepting human beings on the planet.
Teresa took my well-phrased communication of my feelings and emotions and decided to label them as “unwillingness” and “unacceptance”, as if I wasn’t paying close attention to everything that was going on and I wasn’t open to input from him or his clients.
She`s welcome to think that, but the truth is… of course I was open.
When it comes down to it, Teresa hired me for my awesomeness, as well she loved all my input, up until the client got pissy.
Then everything changed.
Teresa can/may make up a million reasons to justify it, blame me – that’s what people do when they don’t to admit an ounce of responsibility — whatever.
All I’d heard for the last little while from Teresa/Teresa’s client was small-minded thinking, worry about "leaving thousands of dollars on the table", worry about image, worry about deadlines, and not a single care about my feelings, my wisdom, or my inspiration.
Nothing about creating something powerful, moving, and beautiful for the world. That’s not how they think, and not how they talk.
And the best part? They want to out-do me at my own magical gift – my ability to understand timeless success principles, sense energy, and see through people to the heart of things.
I am fucking good at that shit.
Clients come to me because I can get a better handle on their life and their behavior than they can.
They come to me because I can put a positive spin on anything that’s going haywire in their life.
I could do the same thing for Teresa — but was she open to it?
She’d said over and over and over how psyched she was to work with me.
(Apparently not psyched enough to respond with patience and love when I did not feel comfortable with the job.)
And it’s cool.
Teresa told me she’d never really collaborated with a team before, and I wouldn’t expect her to nail it out of the gate.
Thing is, she may have to admit she’s missing some key skillsets like:
- Client discernment & selection
- Team inspiration & upliftment.
- Oh, and balls.
There are tons of simple things Teresa could’ve responded with that woulda set this project back on track and helped me feel much more comfortable with it, but a) they take balls, and b) she chose pages of whining and pages of blame instead.
Why? Mainly because she didn’t have the backbone to say:
“Jay, dude, I do respect your expertise, artistry, and wisdom and to show you, I want you to know that you just say the word — if you think the text-on-slides is a deal-breaker then I’ll tell the client so, and back you 100% — but please man, if there’s any other way, I’d love to come up with a solution.”
Or if she’d said:
“Jay, I agreed with all your initial input, that’s why I boldly forwarded it to them. I’m not backing you up right now because I’m really worried about money and reputation. When it comes down to it — you’re right — the world’s most successful brands don’t clutter up their materials with 4-5 fonts per page, and I can tell you have a much better handle on branding than my clients. I can tell you want them to succeed and that you care about turning out the best design you can, elevating these guys to ‘powerful brand’ status. I have a few ideas on how we can persuade them gently, wanna hear?”
Or if she’d said:
“J-Ryze, I get it, and maybe Iève chosen clients with small-vision and low-level artistry, and honestly, I made a mistake connecting them with someone like you. I thought I was helping them and you – please bear with me on this. So even though you’re not a match, I’m on deadline and I feel pressured, and I’m open and willing to any solution you think is viable – truly man, you’re a brilliant guy, and I’m all ears.”
ANY ONE OF THOSE SENTIMENTS, expressed well, would’ve had me feeling MUCH better about the project.
All of them would acknowledge my feelings as valid, all of them respect my expertise, and all of them are open to my ideas and solutions and/or provide Teresa’s own.
A single, simple paragraph — not difficult, but there’s one problem.
All 3 of them require Teresa to be ready to admit her own responsibility and possible mistakes made, ready to stand up for me to her client, and ready for whatever “workarounds” might come up.
They don`t offer a whole lot of room for begging, whining, or blame.
In the end, she didn`t go with any inspiring communication like above – and that’s fine.
It feels like Teresa’s at a phase in life/business where money, deadlines, and clients – not her heart and her feelings – run the show, and making bold moves simply because they’re the right thing is not really done, or understood.
Whatever the case, I wish her well, I know she’s gonna live a great life and go super far, possibly with me (though that looks doubtful lol), or with her client, or someone else entirely.
The point is — all of this benefits you!
This story from my life really got me fired up to explain, uplift, and educate you guys on what I know about success.
It’s prompted me to write about more rare taboo shit that no one explains.
This is off-the-charts valuable stuff, believe it.
I’m gonna outline 3 of the most important skills that absolutely DOMINATE other shit you can learn.
These are the skills that if you practice ’em, will launch you forward in every area of your life.
- Wanna be a successful musician? These skills are more important than your talent with your instrument.
- Wanna be a successful entrepreneur? These skills are more important than marketing or copywriting.
- Wanna be a successful athlete? These skills are more important than training or nutrition.
Because without mastering these skills…
…you’ll make shitty choices regarding your talent, marketing, or nutrition.
Without high proficiency in the skills I’m about to teach you, you’ll end up like Teresa, lost, confused, and ranting and raving, for pages, while plans go off the rails, and with little effect on a situation’s outcome.
I want you to have a much better time of things, and you need certain skills to do it.
This is how to be more like a powerful-feeling ryzing star and less like a powerless-feeling-Tim.
And I’m gonna tell you the skills right now:
- Making ‘Tough’ Calls
- Finding Positives
- Letting Go (Of Attachments)
Let me be one-hunn’ed percent clear – the above 3 skills effect every area of life.
They are way more important to learn than math, they’re way more important to learn than Shakespeare.
Sit down and ask yourself how much practice you have with these skills, how much you’ve studied and refined them…
…and if you’ve spent more time on math or languages than you have on the above 3 skills, you`re in for a hard life.
Many people need to get their shit together and start practicing this stuff.
Many peeps need to start treating ’em like they treat everything else in life that’s important.
Make time and space to practice ’em, and do it. Lots.
And I’m gonna give you some guidance on exactly how to do that in my next post.
For now, I’m gonna leave it as a cliff-hanger, ‘cause there’s lots more to learn – for free – in part two, but if you have anything to contribute, share, or feedback on this story, I’d love to hear it in the comments!