Look at this picture of me.
Now, let me tell you something, I don’t smoke.
Sounds unbelievable you say? Looks like I should be, maybe?
That’s okay
I get that all the time.
For the life of me, I seem to give the wrong– if not bad — impression to most people I meet.
Apparently to some, I have a "bad boy" look which doesn’t give a shit about smiling.
It’s pretty ironic that most of my close friends now tell me stuff like: "I never liked you when I first met you…
… but after talking to you, you aren’t really an asshole."
And I’m like, "Haha err okay… Thanks?"
Maybe this doesn’t sound normal to you, giving off a shitty vibe to people. It’s kind of as if I lead a dangerous life.
No man, not at all.
I love being me – not smoking, bad boy looks and everything. So what if my first impression sucks?
There’s a whole lot to this not-giving-in-to-peer-pressure factor, standing your ground and ultimately being yourself.
Live the person you’re meant to be, and good things will come.
First Cigarette At 10!?
My first trial by fire (get it?) came when I was only 10. I was hanging out with a boy who was older than me at the playground when he started smoking. At first I was like, "Wow underaged smoking".
He offered me a puff. I froze…
At that timeless moment it hit me like, “Oh wow, isn’t this the part where I’m supposed to say no, like how school has taught me?”
Oh yeah, a little education here. You see, back then in school they decided to plant it in us little young kids that smoking was bad. Not only would you get bad breath and stuff, you would mostly likely become a bad person.
I stared at the cigarette. It felt like the crossroads, angel and devil in front of me. Two simple words, "yes" or "no", would make a huge ass difference FOR THE REST of my life.
And with that, I said “no.” From then on, I sort of knew that I had it within myself to continually refuse all offers of smoking or resist any kinds of temptation.
Why Is It I Never Took Up Smoking?
It’s like a non-smoker’s thing, a streak you just want to keep in your life. It’s kind of unexplainable. I’m sure everyone has that special something in you that you just want to keep unique to yourself.
Secondly, it was for practical reasons. I didn’t want my health or stamina to be affected in anyway, especially since I am a Bboy. I mean yeah, there are many awesome Bboys who smoke, but I was afraid it would slow me down anyway.
Also, I didn’t want to spend on cigarettes. I’d rather save them for other stuff. At the end of the day, I know smoking is jus’ something I can live without.
Just for the record, I got nothing against smokers, not at all.
It’s just a little habit people form. Other than that, I don’t think smoking indicates the content of one’s character. Most of my friends smoke and I freaking love them!
Peer Pressure Can Weigh You Down
You may be thinking, “But Alden, there are so many smokers around you, wouldn’t you feel left out?”
Like, being that loner with no friends?
No I didn’t feel left out. It wasn’t like people who smoke started avoiding me like the plague and talking shit about me (remember, smokers are not assholes).
But most of all, I didn’t feel left out because I knew what I was doing. And that gave me the confidence in being different.
You see, everybody has friends, and with that, you feel a need to actually fit in. Sadly, there are many people who fail to recognize that some friends are toxic and start giving in to the wrong kind of pressure and influence.
Fitting in, blending in, following the crowd– call it whatever you want. They’re all fine.
Everybody wants to fit in. Right?
It’s okay to belong, but be sure it’s NOT at the cost of your own self. And it’s unfortunate that people forget about that and simply conform just so they that they be “normal”.
I say this then: Sometimes, just forget about trying to fit in and belong.
If you find that you have to try too hard, screw it. Walk away.
We’re all human and we want to be happy, that is why we should actively surround ourselves with positive people.
Smoking happens to be the band-aid I never bothered to put on. What’s the band-aid you want to rip off? A shitty job with a crappy boss? An ongoing, unhealthy relationship? An addiction?
The bottom line: Ask yourself what’s truly bothering you before you conclude that it’s “normal” and it’s okay at that because everyone else is doing the same thing.
Standing Strong In Your Faith
Okay I hear you. You’re asking, "How do you stay so strong and confident then?"
It’s kind of easy.
Maybe you’re thinking, “Oh, but it’s just smoking” like it’s just some little aspect of life.
Be that as it may, but you know what? You’re actually missing out on the major benefits of actually standing your ground and not giving in to the crowd.
And that is respect.
You may not be indulging in the same things they do, but if you show signs of independence and maturity, people would not only respect you just for being who you are…
…but even admire you!
Remember the aforementioned faces of awe?
People hardly believe I don’t smoke. I don’t get ripped on for that. People just get surprised and wonder how I do it, despite my pro-smoking surroundings.
Now, extend this assertiveness to something even bigger, and that is keeping a clear conscience and living the person you are meant to be.
Feel deep down in your heart and check the greatest feelings which come about.
Now, FOLLOW THEM all the way.
Hell, do this and you don’t even have to deal with pressure. The pressure just gives way to you.
It’s my personal belief that as long as you follow your heart and keep your conscience clear, good things will arise and manifest in your life automatically. And when I say automatic, I’m talking about getting the good stuff without any kind of effort. I mean… It’s just being yourself. Along with that comes little universal truths like believing in yourself, not giving up and being happy.
You can’t go wrong with that. So do it.
Breath Of Fresh Air
Well, sharing my non-smoker’s story felt like a breath of fresh air, so I’d like to thank you all for your attention for my Ryze guest post. But actually, the truth is, I’m always breathing fresh air.
You can too, when you realize you have all the power in the world to create your own path and be happy.
So how about you? How do you feel about smoking, peer pressure, and taking a stand? Let me know in the comments!
Alden Tan is a breakdancer who blogs about inspiration and passion. Follow his dreams and inspirations at his blog!
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Hi! I'm J-Ryze, I help heroes #ryze their empires.
Alden, I want you to know that I really appreciate your heartfelt post.
Many people spend their whole lives with habits they never really wanted in the first place, but peer pressure keeps them there, and I know this post will help many and be a long-term performer, that people will link to all the smokers in their lives 😉
It tackles one of the main obstacles to quitting (no more “smoking with the gang” breaks).
As for how I feel about taking a stand, well hopefully everyone who lives Ryze knows — that’s exactly how I roll 😀
Not only that, but you really went the extra mile to make sure the writing was tight. Much appreciated.
Jason, I want to thank you first for guiding me through writing this post and having this up. The whole process rocked!
Yeah, I think many people stop believing in themselves just because of their surroundings. It then becomes “normal” to them and they don’t even realize it’s changing them i.e. bad mood, less cheery, boredom. The list goes on.
I say, instead of being afraid of being the odd one out, be different, stand out and be respected for that. The results can be amazing. People would start looking up to you and even be inspired!
My pleasure man, I could easily teach a companion course to Write Like Freddy, eh? 😛
Yeah, reminds me of the Boiling Frogs story 🙂
Being different and standing out is general a step towards accomplishing most people’s dreams 😀
I love this post.. I was the opposite and I’m sitting here thinking to myself how much I wish I had read this post when I was younger.. AWESOME.. keep smiling
Hey Shalonda,
Well that’s okay. You can stop smoking now no? Never too late!
Keep smiling too 🙂
That’s a good attitude Shalonda 🙂
And remember, this isn’t anti-smoking post, it’s a Be Real and Do You post 🙂
And shamelessly.. if you want a hand on “being yourself” check out Ryze’s How To ‘Be Real’ Blueprint: http://how-to-be-real.com 😛 – I’m sure Alden would approve 🙂
Of course dude!!!!
Alden, great post. It goes to remind you, you can’t judge someone based on their surroundings.
It reminded me of a time at work (a very health conscious organization) when I was outside hanging out with the smokers and the CEO stops and says “what are you going to do when winter comes?” I replied “I’ll stay inside, I don’t smoke.”
Keep up the great work.
Cheers,
Kraig.
Nice story Kraig! That’s pretty funny actually.
THAT kind of reminds me of how I’d like to ask models, “What are you going to do when you grow old?”. I’d ask that with a real desire to learn and satisfy my curiosity.
Many others ask that in anger, because some models, after getting sucked into the whole “living it up” lifestyle actually forget themselves. And yeah, all the typical traits come out.
Thanks for the love 🙂
HahahHAH… that’s AWESOME. Love hearing stories like that 🙂
Interesting side point, Alden. I likes 🙂
If you don’t wanna ask the models, there are plenty of old ones who are rockin’ out (Cindy Crawford, Kathy Ireland (Forbes respected), Jenny McCarthy… even Jenna Jameson’s still crushing it.)
On top of that many models maintain their youthful appearance in very impressive ways as the years go on.
http://ryzeonline.com/love-the-famous-and-the-beautiful-theyre-your-leverage
Alden, I love the way you write and tell a story. You’re a brave guy whether it’s deciding not to smoke, sharing your story, or teaching us all how to be more of ourselves. Sharing this one on my Facebook page.
Bobbi! Welcome to Ryze, thanks for being here and the kind words.
Alden has the passion, commitment, and well… balls to ryze up, and this story is an awesome indication of it.
If you’re lucky maybe he’ll tell you the Story Behind The Story, because writing this post was not a ‘normal’ experience for him 😀
Thanks so much Bobbi! Haha I don’t know if I am brave. I just try anything out in life, and go with it.
Haha the story goes like this:
I emailed Jason if I could do a guest post. He consented. He guided me EVERY STEP of the way, which was really awesome. I gotta say, this post is definitely the best anyone can see from me. It’s amazing that in just one post, I learnt so much about blogging and writing.
The post NEARLY did not make it here as well, I wasn’t exactly ready yet. Haha.
Did I hit that spot-on Jason?
We-ell you DID hit it…
…so lemme ask — which has more impact, your smoking story, or your Ryze Up expression & transformation story? :
😀
The latter had more impact. The story is the effect!
Haha… I meant you spent weeks polishing this smoking tale, and it shows — but how much energy did you put on telling the story of your Ryze? 🙂
Different, eh?
Alden, I got hooked from start to end. Very well-written.
I admire your commitment and fortitude for your beliefs. Many people fall into the trap of living up to other people’s expectations whether it’s career, lifestyle etc, that we sometimes don’t notice that we are losing ourselves and our identity.
When I was fed-up with my career in banking and in the middle of a quarter-life crisis, I took a chance and went for a big dream of mine and applied for a scholarship to study Mandarin in China. Fortunately, I passed and immediately dropped my job, packed my things and flew to China.
I was able to fulfill my dreams of
* Living alone in a different country &
* Learn how to speak Mandarin Chinese (I am a Filipino of Chinese descent)
It is definitely one of the highlights of my life. Sure beats clicking my keyboard at work.
Thanks for the inspiration, Alden!
P.S. Thanks Jason for providing the platform for this story 🙂
Wow, Allan, talk about an inspiring story of your own 🙂 Thanks so much for being here and giving us that, man.
And I agree with you, Alden’s an incredible story-teller and writer, and his tale of strong, stable, clear identity is something we can all… um… identify with 🙂
Thanks Allan!
Allan,
Thanks for sharing your story. It’s awesome!
Funny you know. I am Chinese and studied mandarin as my mother tongue since young, but I’m really bad at it. When I speak mandarin, it has a weird accent to it.
Anyway I’m happy for you to have made that step and took a chance. I’m sure the feeling was super exhilarating and it was well worth everything!
I’ve never lived alone before, much less in a different country. I don’t think I am ready for that!
Great Story, thank you for sharing. I think its great that you are ok with how people see you.
its so sad that people’s perception of something or someone can become real to them.
this is why I say… if us humans were to loose the assumptions and judgements we would be a much better world
Thanks Maria!
For real! Because of the way society works, a lot of other things are valued and looked at more than anything.
This not-smoking thing really stuck to me. The surprised reactions I always get from people just inspired me to be myself 🙂
Heheh.. I get what you’re saying, Maria, and I’m gonna play a bit.
I actually love that people’s perceptions become really, because I tend to perceive the ‘good’ in things, and I love when it becomes reality 😉
Keep those perceptions positive, rock on and ryze up.
Very genuine post. I didn’t give way to much peer pressure either growing up – but, in my mind, I think I just liked being different, making different choices than my friends or peers.
Awesome! Yeah being different rocks.
But that’s not to say, we should be left out. Never use difference as a way to look down on others.
Stand out and inspire, not the opposite.
Yep, Alden rocks it. He’s also got a post here: http://advancedriskology.com/breakdancer-passion/ – making the rounds!
Will your kids give into peer pressure?
Alden,
Great post and I think that’s very representative of the choices we make all through life. Many of us just make those stronger decisions later than others! I respect that you were able to avoid peer pressure at that young age. I was still trying to figure out which way was up when I was 10. Being where I am now, I think it’s so important to be able to find your own way so thanks for putting this story on Ryze so we can learn from it!
Hey Tom, thanks for dropping by.
I think on some level I was just lucky then, that my school was hard on being anti-smoking and making sure everyone knew about the effects of smoking (of course, they were all bad).
Peer pressure doesn’t have to be bad all the time I guess. Just gotta hope your friends are truly watching out for you.
Alden,
This is a great story!
At school, most of my friends were non-smokers and in fact – I didn’t like smokers at all 🙂
Unfortunately the decision of smoking is (often) made early in adolescent years. However, too many times you hear an older smoker saying: “I wish I had decided otherwise …”.
Cheers,
Timo
Hey Timo,
Haha why is it that you didn’t like smokers? I’d admit, when I was younger I judged that smokers (especially the under aged ones) were bad influence.
But as I grew up I realized they aren’t any different. They are just people, who like to smoke.
I’ve seen friends who became smokers at an adult stage though. Mostly due to stress and work-related matters. Some claim they’re just social smokers, meaning they’d only smoke at a party or gathering.
I think some people might even smoke purely for image, like some celebs 🙂
To each their own 🙂
Youth peer pressure is the strangest, so many people tell young people not to ‘give in to it’ and to ‘think for themselves and yet they (we all were) put into fixed and organised groups from the moment we entered the education system! Strange, huh? Thanks for the post. Dawn
Thanks for the comment Dawn.
Interesting point! I wrote the post in mind that at all ages, people are subjected to peer pressure, no matter where you are. I guess it’s in the education system where it’s more amplified.
Speaking of which, you guys may be shocked to know how separated students are right here in Singapore =p.
Hahhahah… yeah it’s true. “Dont give into peer pressure” unless your peers are parents, teachers, etc — then — “do what we say.”
Alden,
Really awesome story dude…
I have two differing opinions on this:
First, I absolutely believe that you have to be true to yourself whatever form or shape that takes…
Second, I do think first impressions are important. It doesn’t seem like a good thing that your friends thought you were an asshole when they first met you. It may be endearing now that they’ve gotten to know you but I still don’t think it’s something you should be comfortable with.
How many opportunities have you lost or relationships have you not made because someone’s first impression of you they did not find attractive?
I’m not saying that you need to be everything to everyone. Absolutely not and I definitely don’t believe in abiding the status quo.
But our instinct as Human Beings to make initial judgement on people based upon the image they portray is a natural defense mechanism.
That all being said I think your decision to be your own person in a World full of followers and trend chasers is fantastic.
Keep killin’ it…
Ryan H.
Ryan,
Thanks for dropping by with that awesome, insightful opinion!
I think first impressions are important too, but well, me being me, I sort of used this as a filter to who should and could be a good friend to me.
I know I’m inevitably making a judgement too when I say, I can’t be bothered to be friends with people who are already judging me, but it works pretty well for me so far!
This is not to say I am like some badass going, “Yeah I don’t give a f**k. People who judge me are certainly at a loss to not get to know awesome me!”. The thing is, I’ve actually faced judgemental people who literally show it in their manners towards me, so if basic courtesy isn’t there in the first place, screw it.
Could real, fruitful opportunities really derived from such people?
The more important question for myself would be: Would I even be comfortable having to deal with such people?
Here’s an interesting question Ryan…
What first impressions do Mr. T, Sasha Grey, and Crowe make?
I guess my point on this issue speaks to balance…
I’m all about pushing needle. I do it everyday in my insurance business… I doing things the industry is scared of… It doesn’t sound dangerous, but that world it is.
But there another side to that. I also want to get things done and wrong impression or the wrong attitude can also hinder my progress for change. If I’m too abrasive or too arrogant then it takes longer to move the mountain.
That’s really where I’m going… Where’s the Balance of Doing You and Carry the Crowd?
Thank Jay-Z when he does songs with Beyonce… You have “99 Problems” on the same playlist as “Bonnie and Clyde”…
Does that make sense?
Balance is a fantastic thing. I’m a huge fan 🙂
Does what you said make sense?
It depends… how often do you hear Jay-Z talking about “going too far” or “giving the wrong impression” ? 😉 And why?
Hey Ryan,
Peer pressure destroys ones true self. good or bad. Just be yourself, regardless of who your with and where you are. Life will be so much happier.
Looks like Steve agrees with you Ryan, lol 🙂
“Be yourself” is great advice, but does anyone tell you what it means, and http://how-to-be-real.com 🙂
Hi Alden,
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m one of the non-smokers too. It’s not a big deal anymore but when I worked with musicians (and especially other people behind the mixing tables) I was the freak because I didn’t smoke. But no one laughed, no one thought I was a whimp, no one closed me out because of that. And I’m so glad I never gave in to peer pressure; not because it’s “cool” but because it tells me something about myself.
That’s cool Peter! It’s awesome that no one closed you out either. At least they recognized that the content of your character was not based on whether you smoked or not.
Alden, I commend you for standing up for what you believe in at such a young age. That’s very impressive. Thanks so much for sharing your story. I’m a firm believer in standing up for your beliefs… even if it’s tough at the moment, it seems to all work out in the end. Thanks again. Your post was very encouraging.
I second this, Alden 🙂
Thanks Meagan!
I guess school really helped for me back then. It’s definitely important to be yourself, so whenever you look back, you know you were being the person you were meant to be.
And there are zero regrets.
Hi Jason and Alden!
Alden i liked that post. I think it is great to respect your self and not just follow others. You made a good choice of not smoking. I have nothing against smokers either.
Thank you for sharing your story and beliefs.
Lenia
Thanks so much, Lenia – I’m thrilled you got something out of it 🙂 Do you have any related stories to share?
Well Yes, I have Jason 🙂
Actually, I smoked for the first time in my life at the age of 18. I though that it was a cool thing to do. Off course, at that age, everything forbidden is a challenge.
The thing is that I didn’t continue smoking because I love sports and I didn’t want to hurt my performance.
Then, when I was at the university I started smoking a little bit especially during the exams, to let the stress pass (?!?).
Then, I went to Paris…In Paris I stopped smoking and you know why? Off course I always knew it is not good for my health, but the thing is that in Paris, the price of a packet of cigarette was double than the one in Greece. As a student, I didn’t want to spend money for that reason (cool and clever decision)!
Plus the fact that when you walk in Paris, people who don’t know you may ask you for a cigarette…(imagine like when you ask for the time…the same thing but for a cigarette). I was shocked and I didn’t like that kind of behavior. So I decided to not buy cigarettes anymore because I didn’t want people ask me for cigarettes !
That was a short story. Today, I live in Greece where nobody respects the anti smoking law and everybody smokes in the bars. It is hard to say NO…but I say NO 🙂
About you article Alden, I loved you phrase “Sometimes, just forget about trying to fit in and belong.”
Thank you for sharing 🙂
Lenia
Thank you, thank you, Lenia.
These kinds of stories are the one’s that inspire people.
I love how you tried it kind of late (18) and it never really caught on. Very cool tale 🙂
I also love how I got to learn about cultural differences between France + Greece 🙂
And Alden does have some killer lines and great pacing & story-telling, total respect, and thrilled to have him write here 😀
Lenia,
Thanks for sharing your story!
I guess everyone has their own journey with smoking, whether you actually do smoke or not.
And with that, comes your own sense of belief and that alone can take you very far in life, in all aspects.
Alden, you have to come write for me. This was dope! This made me think about when I was a kid and all the things I saw. When I was in high school I had some friends that smoked weed and drank. They weren’t bad friends, they just made bad choices for themselves. I did get offered quite frequently if I wanted some and I always said no. Why? Because I saw the aftermath that they went through using whatever and I decided early on that it wasn’t for me. I got called, “square” and other stuff, but I brushed it off because I KNEW deep down they wish they had the will power to say NO themselves.
Funny how it all turned out. Now I will say that they are all doing fine, married, kids, one is a popular well-known chef and great jobs, so I chalked it up to “growing pains and adolescence”. Either way, if you don’t stand for something and keep to your convictions, it won’t mean shit when people start asking you to do something you are dead against. I even see “blog clicks” online (rolling my eyes) and I just laugh at how some feel the need to “follow” for the sake of getting noticed.
I respect people that keep it straight and say what’s on their mind period. I try to always be tactful (I am a lady), but I will always give it to you straight period. End of story……
Alden’s incredible, Sonia, and I’m really pleased to connect with him, and even more to have you connect with him. His stuff’s on his way to you, I can send an HTML version if wanted 🙂
And everyone at Ryze is straight up, and I LOVE IT. 🙂 Thank you 🙂
P.S. I agree… you can never judge people’s choices, or determine how their story will unfold fully & specifically. Just can’t be done 🙂
Hey Sonia,
I love that straight-up badass attitude of yours. We need more people like that now and then!
I hear you on the first part! I knew my friends deep down respected and admired my efforts for resisting all attempts of smoking and that I get to save so much money from not having to buy cigarettes. I actually have other more extreme examples of activities which I don’t conform to 😛
I think it’s “funny” too. It’s like when you’re young and in school, they teach you absolute certainties about your future i.e. “If you don’t or do [something] you will end up [something]. But as you grow up, you realize things don’t work out that way at all, cause people are just funny living beings.
The sad part is, some people, grown up and all actually are repressed and still not standing up for themselves.
Oh, I think Jason sent the post already no? Hope you like it!
I sent it 🙂