Painful Withdrawal From A Different Kind Of Addiction

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Jason gives the counselor his attention, despite feeling like he could teach the class himself. How did a rockstar urban shaman like him end up at government-enforced anger management?

"Did you hit Hailey?" the counselor spits.

"Man, it was nothing — " Jason explains.

"It was clearly something."

"Look, Thomas… if anything it should’ve been a ‘Hey, Jason, don’t do that’. I had total control over myself and stopped as soon as she reacted, no one in their right mind would go and lay 3 charges on someone like me. She just snapped and ended up telling a whole bunch of stories. I have pages of emails and letters of her trying to take it all back. The cops didn’t care."

"Did you with-hold money?"

"Are you kidding me? I gave her my heart and soul."

"Okay smart-guy, did you hurt her self-esteem?"

"Dude, all I did was believe in her, train her in any skill she wanted, and have faith we could succeed together. I turned her into a model, fashionista, performer, web designer and more."

Jason yawns at another of these Monday evening sessions. He shuffles the ugly govt. issue ‘male privilege’ worksheets they’d given him. He wonders, was it just him, or was the anger management counselor getting… angry at him?

"Well, did you sexually abuse her?"

"Are you listening? I was like Gandhi. I inspired, uplifted, and gave, and gave, and gave."

"So you’re not taking any responsibility? Because we can’t let you back onto the streets if –"

"Sigh. I dunno how to make it clearer. I take 100% responsibility for my life and where I am. I ignored signs. I ignored her lack of faith. I tolerated her lack of communication. I don’t know what the fuck happened. It was nuts. I’m friends with all the concierges, but there was a new one that day. What are the chances? He saw an overly emotional damsel in distress, and she felt like abusing her power and spinning some webs. It’s a weird series of events not many people would predict."

The counselor frowns and makes some notes.

Jason’s eyes squint and skip around the room anxiously.

Hmm…

Enforced Justice?

***

"I’m so sorry, it was a mistake. Look, I’ll do anything, I submit to you, please…" Hailey sobs, streaks of mascara pouring down her face.

"Shhh, don’t worry, it’s fine. We did what we did, let’s just move forward. I never blamed you or said one word against you" Jason hugs her shuddering body close.

Her tears taper off.

"God, you’re the best, I don’t deserve you."

They embrace.

"Hell yeah I am."

She punches him in the arm.

"Well, we lost the house ’cause of all this, so what do we do now?"

There’s a moment of fear you could cut like a knife.

With no place to sleep, no money for food, and no family to turn to, most relationships would crumble. Jason wasn’t having it though, he was loyal and he trusted that they could rise out of the situation. Hailey seemed like she was in it for the long haul too.

"Take a breath, sexy, we’ll be fine. We’ve been through worse. Bring your gym bag, it’s a gorgeous day, let’s enjoy Queen’s Park."

Hailey’s joy and affection shines bright as she hugged her man, yet again.

***

"Thanks so much Srikanth, for taking me and Hailey in. We really appreciate it."

"Hey man, what are friends for? And besides, I feel more comfortable knowing you’re not on the streets." Srikanth says, maybe a bit too gravely.

"Whoa, hey, we can handle ourselves, I don’t want to be some pity case –"

"No, no, I know you can. I just meant– like– it makes me happy to do this. And to be honest with you, whenever you’re around I feel like a new man, I feel more alive. I started going out more, having fun again, we’re even working on a website, I should be thanking you guys."

Hailey, Jason, and Srikanth all beam.

"Umm… Hailey’s beautiful by the way."

***

After a couple weeks at Srikanth’s, Jason manages to get a couple new clients and start bringing some money in. As soon as he does, Hailey wants to spend half of it on her eyebrows. Had she learned nothing? Did she not want them to succeed?

In the past Jason had no problem investing in her beauty, which of course, she loved — but she’d never used those looks to bring in clients, or win contests, or make videos or contribute much at all really, and Jason didn’t feel good about giving any more. Instead he asked a question.

"Hailey, do you feel comfortable spending half of what we make just as we’re getting back on our feet, on your eyebrows?"

Hailey starts to throw a tantrum.

So this is what it’s come to, Jason thought.

She has me arrested, makes up lies about me, takes all my time and money, and I oh-so-class-ily forgive her and bring her back into my life… and now as I aim to have an honest discussion about the state of things, she freaks out?

Where did I go wrong? How can I make this better for everyone?

Jason went to the park to meditate. The kids playing there didn’t notice him, and the bugs seemed to understand as well, and left him alone.

He meditated all day and all night, barely breaking to eat or piss. He returned to their tiny room at Srikanth’s and fell into bed beside her, but he knew something had to be done.

And when he woke up, he knew what.

Jason took a stand.

"Rise and shine! I have something important to tell you. Ready?

I don’t want to be in the same physical location as you."

Hailey’s jaw drops.

"I’ve literally tried everything I can think of. I’m open to fixing things, but I have done everything I can to make this work short of taking a break. So that’s it. No more J, — you’re going cold turkey, girl. I’ll be living on my own to focus on stabilizing my business and life.

I still love you, I still appreciate you — I just have to focus on me, and unless you can figure out a way you can truly commit and help me improve my life, what I need is space."

Hailey throws another tantrum.

"Don’t even think about it– if that’s how you’re going to react when I express my true feelings, we might as well break up. No one needs that."

She calms, not wanting to break up.

Sniff. "Ok."

With Srikanth at work, the two of them pack and leave in silence, until Jason speaks up.

"Look, this isn’t my number one choice, but I’ve tried everything.

I’ve given all I can give — I’m homeless, my business is crippled, and you don’t seem to be helping. If you can offer any solid ideas or solutions on ways we can succeed together, I’m totally open to them."

The pause seems to stretch out to infinity.

"I can’t." Hailey’s head drops, Jason feels clearer than he’s ever been, and is shaking for some reason.

Another awkward pause, and Hailey is crying now. Jason was expecting a different answer. She had "no ideas?" This beautiful woman who says she loves him has no solutions to offer or contribute?

"Okay, well this is it then. We’ll stay in touch, and when I have things more stable, we can reunite."

‘I see the good in things, see the good in things, see the good in things,’ Jason thought.

Sniff. "K. I love you."

"I love you too."

They split and go their separate ways.

In his heart, Jason hoped she would step into her own power, and really show what he’d always seen — a woman who could receive his gifts, elevate their life together and contribute substantially to their relationship.

He continued to encourage it as much as he could, sending notes and e-mails and getting his business thriving again.

She still wanted his time and attention, but he was focused on ryzing up from the dark, and the only things allowed near him were things that clearly helped and were clearly part of the solution.

So the break stretched on.

What happened when Hailey was cut off from him for a week, then two, then three?

She fled back to her wicked stepmother and stepbrother, who’d always hated Jason for inspiring their daughter towards a more adventurous, entrepreneurial life then the doctor/lawyer/picket-fence dream they’d setup for her.

Hailey knew that from day one, Jason had never done anything but encouraged her to shine, but she always had one fit in his world of support, and one foot in theirs of settling and status quo.

He gave, and he loved being generous. He gave her family gifts, and he treated them well. Still they hated him.

Shortly after their split, Hailey began staying with her Mom again, and Jason received a a 2-line email from her, dumping him.

No ‘ifs’, ‘ands’ or ‘buts’, and no interest in solutions or reunion.

Clearly the world he was offering filled with love, and joy, and people like Srikanth who cared and wanted to succeed together wasn’t for her.

She ended up back in some retail job, under her Mom’s thumb.

Jason had invested so much in her, offered an incredible life together. He found her beautiful, and he wanted to get along and thrive together.

She wanted something else. An easy out. Something she didn’t have to commit to.

Sure, he could chase her but he’d learned that extending a hand towards her was not a good move. What would he be moving towards? Drama? Neediness? Someone who didn’t believe in herself?

If the relationship was strong, she’d step up, he believed in her.

The betrayal hurt.

A lot.

 

Stabbed In The Back

***

"…And I’m honored to be invited, Liz." Jason drawled charmingly.

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes our interview with Jason Fonceca from Ryze. I know that many women don’t believe that men who are willing to be this caring, open, and vulnerable even exist – so here’s Jason proving that belief wrong! Enjoy!" – Excerpt from Kate Karoush, dating coach.

Hmph. So much for that.

***

"Okay, picking up where we left off, I have to write something here for the court. You seem like a very intelligent guy, but if you’re still claiming you didn’t abuse her…"

"Thomas, man, look — are you saying the system never makes mistakes? I’ve no record in 32 years, not so much as littering. I have 100+ people who’ll swear I’m the bomb. She had like two bitchy friends (that shoulda been my first clue). I’ve had many long-term relationships with women, and generally treated them all like gold in like every way I know how. I’m not perfect but I did nothing to her man, nothing you been talkin’ ’bout did I do. I mean, I’ve been wrong more times than I can count, I keep learning more.."

"So you didn’t abuse her, and this course hasn’t helped you re-integrate into society? Are you saying you’re perfect?"

"Look, I dunno what to tell you. No emotional abuse. I was supportive. No physical abuse, to me it was nothing outside of any other reasonable relationship I’ve seen. Sexual abuse? Are you kidding me? Financial? All I ever did was give her freedom and trust with whatever I had. I trained her in new, money-making skills. Any project she wanted to soar, I amplified it. Nothing you’ve described as ‘abuse’ have I done. Not even close. I bring the fun wherever I am. I care about people, I make the tough choices and do what’s right . I’ve had fun in a park while homeless, I even invited friends down to visit and play cards! I’m a success-coach, I could teach this course and honestly I’m sick of — oh… oh shit."

Ohhhh… shit.

Jason breathed deeply, tilted his head upward and closed his eyes.

"What?"

A million images of giving to Hailey *for no reason* flashed through his mind.

"I did abuse her."

He’d ‘abused’ her in the subtlest way possible.

"You did?"

He’d been raised to be kind, generous, trusting, and to believe in others, so he just kept giving her chances.

He was way too lenient. This permissiveness was not badass.

Did they have a name for "permissive-abuse?’

He’d walk away for a short time, but he’d always let her apologetic words suck him back.

She was a clinging child who needed discipline, she wasn’t a woman; a committed partner to elevate them both.

All she really brought to the relationship was sex and hollow-worded lip-service, plus some out-of-control spending and he’d continually rewarded it. Fuck trusting her, he could’ve been putting his foot down.

She’d make some half-hearted effort and be affectionate, and bam, he’d happily give her money, friends, connections, logos, websites, clients, and more.

"Uh, so how’d you abuse her?"

Jason knew he was the problem.

His easy-flowing trust, faith, and generosity was the problem. All the things the world told him were good, were not *always* good.

And he’d done this more than once.

He’d developed himself to a masterful level, able to see the best in people and bring joy where-ever he went — great. But he wasn’t discerning with it. He’d give it to anyone, no matter what. It was actually a matter of pride for him."I’m good to everyone", he’d say.

He was happiness cocaine, and irresponsible with it; allowing people who clearly couldn’t handle the juice to get addicted.

He’d had people tell him so, too. ‘Jay, I’m addicted to you.’ – they’d literally said that to him.

He heard the echoes. ‘What can I say, J, I’d do whatever just to be around you.’

‘Well yeah, I just expected to pay for a hit of the, J.’

Jason winced.

"Yeah, I did. You’ve helped me see it, man. Oh you definitely helped me, but probably not how you think. I already do everything you teach in this course. I meditate, I’m aware of my actions, I take full responsibility, I focus on solutions and harmony, I see everyone’s success, I trust, I communicate.

I’m a baller, and I’m not shy about it — and that was the problem. I thought believing in my positivity and happiness was enough.

I was wrong. Relationships take two, and I didn’t make that clear. I spoiled her. A lot. It’s not like she was gonna speak up and say ‘I need to have a harder life, please stop showering me with goodness.’ "

"So… um… how did we help you again?"

"Because you helped me realize that I’m no where on your silly ‘abuse’ list. I’m really, really not."

"I’m confused, that doesn’t sound helpful."

"It is!

Because my abuse was spoiling & enabling, but you guys don’t talk about that. You’re too busy seeing everybody as a violent, disturbed criminal who needs to "be nicer" – but what you needed to tell me was to not be nice. To pull back on my attention and presence, for someone who was clearly squandering it.

Unlike all these other guys, I didn’t need to be more sensitive, I didn’t need to be more open with money or respect her sexually — I needed to withdraw my attention. I needed to stop rewarding half-hearted, uncommitted, relationship-destroying behavior from her. I needed to take a stand and say "you’re bringing barely anything to the table, and I’m spoiling you, and it’s not healthy." – I needed to let life teach her what happens when you don’t commit, but instead, I was the ultimate crutch.

"Uh, okay, so you ‘enabled’ her then."

"Yes, I did . Totally."

"Enabled her to what?"

"To be lazy and not change. To not grow. To keep using me. In fact, I encouraged it!"

"And can you see how that may have hurt her emotionally?"

"That’s kind of a stretch, but label it however you want, man.

I definitely know it wasn’t ‘good’, I don’t know if I should’ve been thrown in jail for it, charged with 3 ridiculous charges, and lost my condo. I’m just happy to be done with this. It’s a great lesson though. I’m already awesome, and if I’m more choosy with my attention, I’ll be a rock star. Plus this will help so many people who are fucking up their relationships by being ‘too nice’ – I feel like it’s a bigger problem than people realize"

Thomas shakes his head an makes some notes.

"Hey! Cut it with the head shakes and note-taking man.

The important thing here is that I know how I caused this, and as I said before, I take full responsibility for how I ended up here."

Thomas looks into Jason’s eyes, blinks, and looks away.

"Alright. You’re a good guy. And you know, Jason, I think I speak for everyone here, when I say you’re going places man. You’re different than anybody else we’ve had here, and you’ve brought a lot of fresh insight and thoughts we’ve never seen before. Best of luck to you man."

<Anger Management Group Cheers, and Jason receives the only back-slaps and hand-shakes any member received on departure.>

On the bus ride home, Jason took some time to appreciate all he’d learned. The lessons were hard, the betrayal intense, but now he knew what no one ever teaches you.

Positivity is addictive, and it’s important to direct it properly, it’s not something to throw around without discipline.

For Hailey, being deprived of her ‘drug’ of constant affection was a shock. All of a sudden she was being called on to ‘work’ for it, and really step up her game…fast.

She figured dumping him would be easier than ryzing with him.

Some people can handle ithe passion, others not so much.

It dragged on because he thought he could believe in her, and that would be enough, but it’s not… she had to believe in herself.

Letting her go sucked, but not nearly as much as staying with that version of her would have.

The funny thing is Jason was still open to having her in his life, assuming she’d demonstrated a new self-reliant her that could cherish his gifts, but the ball was in her court, (and besides, part of his bail conditions was no-contact for a year.)

Either way, his life had changed forever, and in a good way.

In the next few weeks, he ran through his life and cut-off anyone who was reaping all the rewards of his goodness and giving the bare-minimum in return.

He was passionate, some would call it ruthless. Many felt hurt and rejected being suddenly deprived, but Jason knew he was hurting them. He knew they could O.D.

He saw these unbalanced and unhealthy relationships for what they were and called them out. As he expressed himself, many just stopped talking to him, and that was fine.

One girl was keeping him "under glass" for a dating emergency because he was super-loyal. No more. He took a stand.

Another used him any time she wanted to feel happy or learn something, like a little fountain of happiness-wisdom she could bask in on a whim. Adios.

Now he really is the world’s first rockstar urban shaman, and it just keeps getting better.

He still shines, but…

…now he shines only for those who can handle it.

Real kindness is shining so bright that you burn people who can’t handle it. Don’t worry, it’s good, they’ll leave room for people who can.

Keep Shining

So that’s my story, I hope you enjoyed it. I’d love to hear your thoughts and feelings, what did you get from it? Have you ever given "too freely" to people who don’t cherish what they’re getting?

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Related Post: No Fun, No Friends: Confessions Of A Positive Badass

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30 thoughts on “Painful Withdrawal From A Different Kind Of Addiction

  1. From someone who was in and out during the entire time of everything written above, I gotta say dude, you sure can make something most people would think ‘not-a-fun-story-to-listen-to’ pretty damn epic.

    Good job :)

  2. Hey Jason, I came over from Jackie’s blog after reading your comment to her. Once I started reading, I fell right into the story as if I was reading a book by a friend :-)

    You kept me ever so engaged throughout (which can be rare these days especially on long posts!) and I commend you for that and your writing style.

    Now, here’s what I learned: Am I participating in “permissive-abuse” too? I so loved how you told the therapist the things they could focus on instead of all violent and negative behavior!

    I need to direct my positivity better (regarding some of the people in my life) because regardless of how much I think I may be trying to help and give my all, I end up draining myself which is not good for either party.

    I’m so glad I popped over and grateful you shared your story with us!

    ~Kesha
    Kesha Brown is sharing: 7 Random Facts (You Didn’t Need To Know) About KeshaMy Profile

    • Thank you so much for your heartfelt expression, Kesha. That’s high-praise (can I quote you on it as a sort of mini-testimonial to my writing? :P)

      As for rare engagement in posts, I’m about to release a very passionate post about that very thing called “What if rappers blogged, and bloggers rapped?”

      People talk about every kind of abuse, but “permissive-abuse” usually slides by undetected (it did for me) – the fact that you’re aware and asking is a very good sign.

      Haha… I was a bit of a shit-starter in that class, but honestly, when they treat someone who’s dedicated his passionate life towards human transformation “just like the average person who comes in and out of their program”, it’s kind of a recipe for friction.

      If you want to direct yourself better in regards to certain people in life, this may help:
      http://ryzeonline.com/do-you-have-dysfunctional-or-healthy-energy-in-your-relationship – it talks about giving my all and draining myself.

      I’m so glad you popped over too, Kesha, and I look forward to your shining presence increasing.
      Jason “J-Ryze” Fonceca is sharing: Money Equals LoveMy Profile

  3. You wrote this piece for me, didn’t you, Jason?

    Maybe you didn’t realize it at the time the pads of your fingers were hitting the keys. But somewhere in the deepest crevices of your mind, you were subconsciously weaving a tale that would, ultimately, pierce my soul.

    Oh, and not just mine. But the souls of everyone and anyone who’s walked the wicked, winding path of the “giver”.

    Thankfully, one quite unsuspecting day …
    We givers find ourselves All. Given. Out.

    Yes, oh, yes! Enabling is a disease. We give the “takers” in our lives carte blanche to suck the joy, the verve, and the life right out of us! The disease is so hideous, we barely recognize or acknowledge our own existence.

    Then by serendipity or the grace of God, we happen upon the cure … self-worth and self-respect.

    And then the healing begins.

    Thank you for baring my soul and telling my story.
    Melanie Kissell is sharing: Toilet Paper and ToothpicksMy Profile

    • Thank YOU, Peter.

      I feel the blog-scene could use more heart, and I aim to lead the way with posts like this. (I have some others on my old blog, which I may resurrect).

      I received tons of personal e-mails and phone calls regarding this post. It made some people cry.

      Interestingly they all chose NOT to share in public, on this post, for everyone, instead keeping it to themselves (and me :P)

      I’m so glad you felt able to speak up and add some honesty to the discussion here. I’d really love it if you could spread this post, I *know* so many people are meant to read it.

      Again, thanks for being here, and I’d love to hear any revelations and results (even if you have to PM me :D)
      Jason “J-Ryze” Fonceca is sharing: Success Is A Story (And You’re Telling It Wrong)My Profile

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  5. So ah, did you hit her man or… ’cause in the beginning you imply that you hit her and then you seem to be congratulated for your overall attitude at the end of the session? I mean, it could have been a back-hand of positivity as a last-ditch attempt to get her to ryze up to her potential.

    And is she really that boring or did you paraphrase all of her lines? I’d never get involved with someone who can’t even voice their opinion in a simple conversation because it’s usually a sign that they lack the self-confidence to tell you how it really is, which would only keep you stagnant.

    Rock on brother, and may we both keep up with the bar scene long enough so that we may each land us a positive-energy honey.

    –Shane

    • Thanks so much, Shane. I really appreciate it man.

      Your first question is did I hit her? That’s where you’re going with this? “Did I hit her?” ahAHAHaha! awesome man.

      It’s a *story*. Maybe none of it’s true, name’s most definitely aren’t and any resemblance to persons living or dead, blah blah blah.

      But to answer your question — No, I didn’t hit her. She knows it, I know it, and so did the cops who picked me up, as they grinned sheepishly, said I was awesome and apologized about the state of the world to me :)

      To answer your other question, anyone I spend a year with is FAR from boring. And anyone who can be homeless with another human being is also far from boring. I know you can understand that stories and brief excerpts of life are NOT what makes up a person.

      Either way, I’m totally appreciating your contribution man, and giving me the chance to explain a few things. “Positive-energy-honeys” for the win :D

      Not sure if you read my Failed Relationships post, but I’ve gotten myself to a place where I attract truly beautiful, radiant chicks. It’s been quite the journey, and you’ll like it — Check it out: http://ryzeonline.com/genius-failed-chicks

  6. Wow, J, quite a story! (BTW, Jason is top of the list for boys names, if I have a boy in the near future)

    Thank you for your input! You are right in your assessment of Hailey. Bitchiness in the social circle is a great clue to go by. And yes, the sex may be great, but it can’t sustain a long-term relationship where the requirement is mutual respect, where you are a knight and she is a lady; the latter was missing. Just my 2 cents about this very personal story.

    I get what you said in the comments before. Thank you very much! I hope you respond again, as I hate it when bloggers don’t respond to their audience. That’s lame. Why have a blog then?

    ” I give no airtime to doubt and attachment” is the take away sentence. Faith is the word. So, let’s say both parties wish for the same thing in the future, then it is most likely to happen, when the time and vibration are right? I said this to a freind of mince and told the person to have faith. I guess that was enough. I just could not handle the friendship then. Yet, I just know there will be a time for it. And, if not, an even better one will come in its place, since I put in an order for it and the universe never forgets nor stops in making that order happen. The universe will provide. We just have to be calm, like you! Thanks, shaman, for the reminder!

    • Thanks so much, Kat!

      Jason’s a powerful name, lots of history. Actually lots of “J” names go that route :)

      I aim to make it clear that it’s a story, I embellish for impact, and I’m not aiming to paint her in a negative light.

      I’ve done tons of shitty things when I was younger + more ignorant, and anyone could turn them into a page long blog post. No doubt we all have :)

      That being said, I think what you’re getting at is that there was a clear, substantial difference between Hailey and I, and you’re right.

      I was ready to face the world and face my trial by fire, she was still relying on me, her Mom, etc. – not really knowing who she was.

      Some people would just say she was “too young”.

      And you’ve nailed it, if both parties really want it, the reunion will happen. That’s the power of people.

      Rock on and ryze up!
      Jason “J-Ryze” Fonceca is sharing: How To Learn Like A Boss: The Hidden StepsMy Profile

  7. J,

    How come when we want something badly it does not come as easily as when we do not care about it as much? Would you further explain this concept? Abe talks about this a lot, and I understand how we are supposed to act, but I do not quite get it spiritually. Like, we show our faith by believing in the universe, that is our job? Is this all, or is there more it it?

    • A totally reasonable question, that I had myself, and I’m sure many others do.

      There’s a lot of people wandering around, wanting something BAD, and not getting it.

      It’s basically this.

      1. We’re fucking powerful, especially our thoughts.
      2. 60,000 thoughts a day and most of them are “I want X”, “I need X”, “God, I wish I had X, when will it come.”
      3. If you notice the theme of all those thoughts, they’re not faith or confidence that it’s on the way. They’re not faith and confidence that it’s as good as done. They’re not “yo, I’m ballin’, this is handled, and now I can think about other things.”

      They’re attached as hell.

      And so, those powerful thoughts keep what we want just out of reach.
      Our attitude of under-confidence, worry, and vague concern, keeps it vaguely away.

      Sucks eh?
      :P

      Solution: REALLY move on. Let it go. Think about other things for once. Help somebody. Take a breath. Enjoy a hobby. And turn off our thousands of thoughts wishing for X.

      Does that help?
      Jason “J-Ryze” Fonceca is sharing: Who You Are, Feedback, And A Story Of Re-BirthMy Profile

      • Sure does. Loads. Thanks so much. So glad I found this site!

        So, we need to keep our vibration high and not lower it with all that sucky stuff we tend to do, mostly from being conditioned. This explains how ex- lovers return out of the blue when we’ve got at our shit together or how something just pops up once we have forgotten about it and basically given up. The universe never forgets.

        It’s all about our attitude.

  8. Thanks! Oh yeah, and one more thing. Does the universe send us clues or signs regarding things to come like where we should be? From what I understand, it most certainly does, according to Abe. But is that our vibration being a match to what we want? Let’s say you are at a job you chose rather than continuing your education and things from that part of your life (the education part) keep showing up in your reality: people you meet from a school, buildings you pass by, articles you read, etc. These are “signs” right? We should be attune to them, not so much for evidence but that we are heading in the right direction? Your path and LOA have always stumped me and any input I receive pertaining to this aspect of LOA is most helpful. Abe says no matter what, you are on your path. There are no mistakes. But then, why do we feel we make them? This is our folly, as we should not feel this way, because it is the experience that counts with LOA.

    • Great question, Kat!

      In my experience life does this:

      1. It gives you clues (or warning signs) based on what you need to change and learn. These can often be the ‘shitty things’ that we end up ‘being grateful for.’

      and

      2. It gives you whispers (and yells) of clues, to go somewhere or do something or think a different way.

      Ultimately, you get to try and fight the signs (swim upstream), or follow the signs (go with the flow, yo.)

      Whether it makes sense or not, this is basically the story of every biography and success-legend.

      Eventually, fighting becomes too hard, so they went with the flow, followed their heart, and “did them”.

      But you can see that ‘feeling rough’ plays a big role in things.

      Does that help, Kat?

  9. This is like the most powerful post ever. This has been my theme song, learning the ins and outs of love, and knowing that nice and enabling isn’t love. A kick in the pants might be. I’ve opened up many a can with asleep people and their bullshit, but the funny thing is that is is the really nice people who are my biggest challenge. I am learning though, that I can’t hold them to the same expectations I hold myself–at least not yet. And sometimes I just love them enough for both of us, because I can and they can’t. I am learning that it is really the moment that instructs me. Sometimes it is go for the jugular to find clarity, and sometimes let go. What a beautiful story of you really seeing the situation big time, that you weren’t hurting her, but you weren’t helping her either. What an amazing gift you gave her and yourself. I was like totally cheering when you broke it off. That was true love.

    (So curious if you got her permission to write this blog, and if you change names–just for my own story telling. A lot of mine I’d have to make fiction to protect people).
    Brooke is sharing: My Daughter and Me: Teaching Love, Learning Love, Being LoveMy Profile

    • I agree, Brooke. It felt immensely powerful to write. Which begs the question — how many more people will share this powerful post? :P

      You hit the nail on the head — the moment guides us, it changes, and sometimes it’s be badass and take a stand and sometimes it’s let go, or see the brightside. (Although I could write a whole post on how these are actually the same thing.)

      I know it was the most loving thing I could do, and it was just me contributing to her life and growth, like I’d always done as best I could, but I didn’t get a huge thank you from her, y’know? :)

      As for permission, I’ll respond with another question – did she get my permission before calling the cops on me for what amounts to ‘no reason’? I’m just sharing my story and my feelings, and I admit that stories are often embellished + exaggerated (it’s not something I aim for, I like to keep it real, but still.) – permission not needed.

      That being said, name’s have been changed, but there’s consistency. Anytime you see me talking about Hailey, it’s the girl in the story above. If I’m mentioning Roxy, it’s one of the girl’s in this post: http://ryzeonline.com/genius-failed-chicks who chose not to communicate her open, honest, vulnerable self with me, no matter how much I encouraged + inspired it.
      Jason “J-Ryze” Fonceca is sharing: Pop Songs Own My Soul (Do They Own Yours?)My Profile

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