What do people get most pissed about?Well, it’s different for everyone, but the general rule is that people get pissed when others disrespect part of who they truly are.
- When Michael Jordan was rejected from his high school basketball team, he was nearly suicidal. They were going against his dream..
- When Donald Trump was bankrupt, and people criticized his ability in business, it got pretty emotional. They were hating on his natural talents.
- And so… when people imply that I’m unwise, unclear, or not understanding…
- Is there anything, anywhere that doesn’t improve over time, with consistent practice?
- Does swimming improve over time, with consistent practice?
- Does acting improve over time, with consistent practice?
Love, clarity, & understanding.And yes, when learning and practicing this stuff …
- There’ve been many times when I fuck up.
- There’ve been many when I misunderstand someone.
- There’ve been many chats where I “need to take a step back”.
My gift becomes my curse.Because I’m clear and able to quickly understand things, I’m able to help people feel understood easily. They love it, it goes great, at first… I choose to show calm when they’re frustrated, I choose to show solidity when they’re coming unhinged, I choose to show confidence when they’re unsure. And they love that. And they start to think I’m some kind of positivity-machine, a robot that will always give them praise. …Until I consciously choose a darker emotion, or one they don’t understand. And boom. They get pissed off. Simply because peeps aren’t as natural at understanding things the way I am, then when they’re faced with my completely valid irritation or anger, instead of the nonstop positivity, they snap. They don’t really try to understand me or my feelings. They don’t ask questions, they just see their magical positivity source standing up for himself, and they throw a bitch-fit. They close their minds, throw up whatever defenses they feel will ‘help’, and start labeling me as “mean”, “defensive”, “rough”, or “edgy.” Hahaha, so adorable. Good. I want you pissed off. I want you to walk away from one of the most positive, uplifting human beings on the planet because you’re having a hissy fit. That’s a valuable experience. And this means there are very few people who can engage me in deep understanding, and conversation for prolonged periods. People have tried to convince me that I should be gentler, but my lack of gentleness is NOT the problem. I’m gentle for 1000s of interactions, showering people with praise and love, and because of my generous positivity, they SNAP if I deliver anything else. It means I’m lonely, and I’m okay with that, I embrace it. It means my wisdom, knowledge, and awareness stretch and push people to grow. It means I’d dearly, dearly love some peers I felt accepted and comfortable with. Some who understood my choices and decisions, or at least wanted to. And I have a couple, whom I cherish so deeply. My gift is my curse.
Examples (I have hundreds)
Example 1 – Pissed at dinner. When I was 27, I made a conscious decision not to hang around people who gossip, judge, and trash-talk others. Shortly after, I was sharing a meal with my family… …who are generally extremely nice, loving people, who I praise all day long… …when a few of them started trash-talking people, relatively innocently, in the restaurant. They probably didn’t even realize they were doing it. It’s just an automatic habit from society, to criticize others or analyze their behavior, discuss their lives. I was getting more and more uncomfortable. My gut told me this experience wasn’t in line with my priorities. I wondered if I should speak up and cut them off, gently try to change the topic, or leave. It’s a tough call sometimes. Do you stomp all over your family as they laugh at the lives of others? Do you try and stop a steam-rolling conversation held by 6 other people? Do you abandon them with some fake excuse? Abandon them with the truth? Leave and say “I gotta go, something doesn’t feel right. I’m gonna do some work”? The last option rang true like a bell. So I let them know, and I left. And they all sat around, dumb-founded, that I was leaving mid-meal, you could feel the tension. They were not pleased at my decision, and thought I was being ‘weird’ and felt awkward. But here’s the thing – none of them tried to understand my behavior or choice!That was an example from years ago, but recently… …I had 3 different people in one day get pissed off at me for expressing myself. Hahah, so adorable. I’m kinda used to this, but 3 in one day inspired this post. They didn’t get pissed off because I was being unloving, selfish, or mean. They got pissed because I didn’t give them the response they’d like. They got pissed off because I expressed irritation and took a stand against their bullshit. Good. I want you pissed off. I want you to walk away from one of the most positive, uplifting human beings on the planet because you’re having a hissy fit. That’s a valuable experience. Want an example from a couple days ago? It’s a an awesome story of a client I’d shown INSANE amounts of love, transforming her life in huge ways, in a short time, for free. She promised to make me a powerful video ‘some day’, but that was the thing… it was “some day.” not “up front.” So I gave my heart, and she loved every interaction with me, 100s of amazing interactions. More rock-solid positive than anyone they’d ever known, guaranteed. And I chose to show irritation once, and BAM – she gave up on any communication at all. Hahaha… so adorable. Please remind me to not to work with clients who enjoy my over-the-top positivity, but wont even stop to ask why I’m pissed. Especially for free. Hahah… Iit’s cool, she’ll be back. Everyone returns to a positive badass Read on for the whole story:
No one asked why.Because if they were really interested in understanding, and they invited it — I would’ve given them a very clear explanation, and in fact, I kinda did. ‘Cause in the days that followed, 1 person asked why I left. As usual, by far the most open-minded, caring, loving member of my family… Mom. Mom had the care not to assume, but to instead ask me why I left the restaurant. So I gave her a clear answer. I explained about my decision, and I pointed out how they were all gossiping about others and I felt our family is better than that. I told her I wouldn’t participate, but interrupting or going against the conversation felt wrong, so I left. Moral? Ask sincerely for understanding, and you’ll get it. Especially from someone like me, who loves understanding of all kinds.
Conversation Irritation A few days ago, Becky told me that I “helped her see God”, “helped her unlock her purpose”, and that I’m someone she’d “trust with her life”… …suddenly labeled me as “defensive”, then basically ‘snapped’, and gave up’ on our relationship. Why did Becky do this? Well, she’ll give one explanation, but her gift is not epic understanding and insight — mine is. So let’s say she’d probably give some ego-based reason like “Jason’s an asshole”, or “he got angry for no reason”, or “I must’ve hit a nerve for Jason, he’s got issues”… …but what it really comes down to is her mind being closed, and her having zero interest in understanding my passion, irritation, or anger. I’m open to her side, maybe I am an asshole, or maybe she hit a nerve. Let me be at peace, open my mind to it, meditate and see if that makes sense… …NOPE. I got irritated with Becks for a very, very good reason, and I don’t hide my feelings at all. I said goodbye and hung up the chat with her because it was going nowhere, and we could try again later. Her response? She just snapped, sulked, and gave up. She’s not comfortable with intense emotion, and doesn’t understand it. I am, and I do, extremely well. I’ve lived a life that trained me for it. Anyway, our conversation was going in circles, I was doing all the work, and she was simply sitting there shooting down my ideas “nope”, “wrong”, “try again J”, etc. I was failing hard. And that’s fine, I don’t have to nail every conversation or idea or example. But… She wasn’t helping. At all. I was literally digging deep with every creative example, idea, and solution I could, and all she’d said for ages was some form of “no.” No, no, no, no… NO. A “conversation of ‘no’???” Puh-leeze. Like I’m supposed to be thrilled and jumping for joy about that? Nuh-uh. I responded with what she was begging for with her behavior. If you kick a dog, it will bite you, and if you make the positive guy desperately trying to help you, and teach you some incredible wisdom — for free — run around in circles while you shoot down ideas, EXPECT A LITTLE IRRITATION. God, I get irritated just talking about it, and I’m glad about that, lol. Irritation is good. …I was like “fuck this, you come up with an idea or a solution or an example then.” And this was all for her curiosity. The whole thing! She wanted to know “why I was homeless.” Or another form of it was “was homelessness avoidable?” Well, I was happy to engage the topic, but I’m not gonna lead a conversation while someone sits around shooting down my ideas, and not even TRYING to understand, co-operate or make the conversation better. She’s brilliant, and you could tell she wasn’t making any effort. Really, none. So I displayed irritation, first time I’d ever really showed Becky that side of myself. And she immediately started throwing the term “defensive” around. It was cute Interestingly, I felt at peace with my irritation, and was proud I’d selected it out of all the emotions I could choose. Even more interestingly, as she continued to cry “you’re defensive, you’re defensive!”, her tone became agonizingly pained, sharp, and wounded – basically… defensive.I don’t say this to blame, or to be ‘right’, or to ‘look better’. I’ve fucked up more than anyone I know, and admitted it, and probably will again. I mean, I’m homeless for heaven’s sake. I’m the lowest of the low! Lol. I have no ego left, at least not any that controls me. But this wasn’t one of those times. I’m just stating facts… which I understand very well. Becky has never used her anger lovingly and consciously, for good. And so, she can’t even grasp that my anger is being consciously chosen and is utterly pure; non-defensive. In her world, she’s angry when she’s defensive, and so, I must be the same! But we are NOT the same. And I’m pretty confident on topics of harmony, co-operation, teamwork, synergy, and understanding.
Understanding’s hot.IF my friend wanted to achieve co-operation and understanding, she would’ve succeeded much better if she:
- Opened her mind and put aside her labels and knee-jerk emotion.
- Searched and experimented with broad views, and multiple perspectives.
- Asked sincere questions and listened, like “I’m feeling like you’re defensive J, is this true? Are these feelings just issues from my past or my own confusion about anger/love, or are you actually being defensive right now?” — short form: “Dude, I’m curious, are you feeling defensive?”