Womanly Arts: 3 Secret Powers Women Have (& Ignore!)

Let’s talk equality, feminism, & real girl power.

We’ll get to the 3 powers, but first, a story of some Womanly Arts In Action. 🙂

Tess’s cheeks flushed red as she fought the urge to scream.

John, oblivious, steam-rolled on. “That’s not how I like to interact, Tess. I want civilized, gentle, kind discussions.”

And his point sounded totally reasonable. Everything he said did. He had a genius-IQ and was hyper-logical, after all.

But his vaunted reason-ability had a downside Tess couldn’t quite put her finger on.

Whatever it was, she knew it set every cell in her body on edge.

Had Tess looked deeper she’d have realized that John’s rational agenda meant Tess could never cry if he disappointed her, never yell if he discouraged her dreams, and never storm away from an unloving conversation he was clearly manipulating to his advantage.

Her expression was shutdown.

Everyone’s got unique gifts, and Tess was blessed with compelling, intuitive, emotional expression.

It showed naturally whether dancing, journaling, or having sex. It also showed when she faced injustice, abuse, and dismissal.

Except when John was around.

John did everything in his power to cut-off half of Tess’s expression. He wanted to have her most pleasant orderly sides, and control any others that didn’t suit him.

All this was just under the surface of the situation, but Tess didn’t look deeper. Instead she tensed her neck and shoulders, held shallow breath in her lungs, and struggled to “talk things out.”

It got her nowhere, fast.

And that was the snowball that started the avalanche of her week.

She joined pointless arguments with John ‘cause she’d want someone to engage her. She hid her body in business-casual all week ‘cause she was raised to be a ‘good girl.’ She over-analyzed situations, trying to say the right thing at work.

Trying to please people and fit-in to daily life drained so much energy.

‘Cause none of that stuff was where her power lay.

Her power lay in spontaneous body-language, instead she over-thought things.
Her power lay in vulnerable expression, instead she bit her tongue through life.
Her power lay in shining sexuality, instead she hid her exhibitionist heart.

Tess wanted change. Tess wanted growth. Tess wanted a better life.

Yet she’d denied her true powers for decades, masking them with ‘society-approved’ behavior.

And she was suffering for it.

Can she ryze?

We’ll see.

DISCLAIMER:

I’m gonna stereotype some stuff for easy reading. I trust you feel the love & allow generalizations.

‘Guy’ = “masculine-leaning person” & ‘chick’ means any “feminine-leaning person.”

I’m totally cool with LGBTQ, non-binary, etc. — Cool?

Your Power Can Change Everything.

You (or chicks you know,) are frustrated about a life settled for, but you’ve the power to change it if you’re open to your own nature.

I’m gonna share some real girl-powers with you, one’s that few use.

I’m talking ’bout timeless, cost-free power. Girl-power that you always hold that no one can take away. These powers come from inside and you’re born with them.

But before we discuss your girl power, let’s shed light on a few truths about power, equality, and roles. Let’s go.


Most Women Ignore Their Power.

Many have lost touch with their womanly arts.


Run The World (Girls) by Beyonce

 

     

“My persuasion can build a nation.”

Tess stared tearfully at her wardrobe. Moments passed like a launch countdown. Could the power to build empires rest in a simple outfit or raw, honest tears?”

Fashion is an example of an under-used power that men, don’t have access to on the same level. Do you know the power of fashion? Decoration? Image? Perception?

And that’s just one example— throughout history from Cleopatra to Beyonce, there’s plenty of ways to tap into natural feminine traits and succeed through ’em.

But only if their powers are recognized, nurtured, and used.

And it breaks my heart to feel the frustration and victim-focused struggle of many women today. It doesn’t have to be a struggle. Honest.

Women have everything they need to create new empires and deepen relationships and more. I repeat, women are powerful.

It kills me to see women turn down their shine cause of things like…

They’re scared of slut-shaming.

Drama, Labels, and Social backlash suck. Often chicks get shit on for using their powers. They get slut-shamed, de-valued, dismissed, labelled ‘dumb’, ‘shallow’, & worse. Society gets scared and judge-y when a woman is tapping into her natural potential. Power can be scary, so it may seem easier to put the power away, rock no boats and make no waves, and that’s usually what happens.

Women are discouraged.

While businesses struggle for facebook likes… a woman can post a #selfie for tons of attention. Add in a ‘caption with a cause’ and she’ll move millions. That’s power, but society dismisses it.

Society offers few reminders, praise, or applause when a chick gets results through a selfie, instead they try to marginalize the way those results were achieved.

They’re pressured to fit-in.

Standing out can be frowned upon. Some chicks resort to ‘socially acceptable’ power. They repress their true natures because “it’s a man’s world.” They learn to play the game and negotiate career politics, while sacrificing natural powers like emotion, beauty, and playfulness as having ‘no financial value.’

Which is fine if you truly enjoy living so seriously, but many don’t.


Equality Doesn’t Mean Same-ness.

Do women really wanna be the EXACT same as men? Leverage differences.


God Made Girls by Raelynn

 

     

“Somebody’s gotta wear a pretty skirt.”

Work demands ruthlessness, but Tess is naturally compassionate. Her partner wants distance, but Tess’s nature is closeness. Is it more powerful for her to please them or embrace her nature?”

I can barely believe this needs said but… guys & chicks are f***ing different. Different. In fact, opposites, but not unequal, they already are equal. Naturally born equals, like hot and cold, or silence and noise, one is not more powerful than the other.

But it’s silly to make them the same. Somehow, it seems people forget, deny, or resist this truth.

All things gain the most peace & by obeying it’s inner-nature.

From different DNA and hormones, to different desires and journey’s, men and women are different. They are. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Embrace this and use it to create the world you want.

That guys & chicks have different powers & gifts ain’t worth arguing. Accept it and start using yours, whatever they may be. Please. The world needs the real you, not you-imitating-others.

You aren’t meant to live the exact same way as someone else.

A joyful path leads to joyful results.

Want a work promotion, career advancement, or even an empire? Great! But do you wanna take a masculine path to get it? Years of studying business principles, warrior-politics & competitive dominance?

Straight up, the same goals can be reached through fun, spontaneous expression, effortless attention-getting, and influential relationships.

You can have whatcha want through paths that make use of natural tendencies and resources, side-stepping the ‘guy’ way of doing things.

What really suits you?

‘Equality’ doesn’t make us happy.

Give Us Equality! That’s what most feminists, or ‘progressive’ peeps say they want. “Equality! Human beings, living together… totally equal! Yeah!”

Well… yes and no. The word gets thrown around —get this— with no clue what it means.

Peeps are protesting in the name of “equality,” but without knowing it they’re really aiming for same-ness. Identical-ness. Bland-ness.

Men + women doing the same jobs in the same ways. Handling relationships the same way. Solving challenges the same way.

Does same-ness make us happy?

Work With Nature And Win

Nature has it’s own form of equality, and it rocks. It leaves room for variety, and balances unique give-and-take, to create a complementary equality free of same-ness.

If you want an ambitious career you’d probably use New York, right? Wanna live a relaxed, laid back, soothing life? Hawaii’s the pick for that, right? No one’s trying to make Hawaii something it’s not. We just let it be.

So why fight uselessly for guys & chicks to be the same? Just admit that we’re different (gasp!) and yes, that means we’re suited to unique challenges and unique.


You Gotta Choose Your Roles, Not Fall Into ‘Em.

Let people do what suits them, and you do you.


Androgyny by Garbage

 

     

“There’s nothing that can’t be turned around.”

Tess adored the bliss of dance over the rules of logic. She enjoyed body language over verbalizing her thoughts. Why was everyone trying to pull her from her hearts calling?”

Feminine qualities & masculine ones are both powerful, essential, and have giant impact when used well.

Every person has both inside them, the trick in each moment, is to sort out which one’s suit you & work for you & get desired results.

If guys aggressively pursue their mission, the advice is chicks should too, to be ‘equal.’
If guys are sexually direct, coming on strong, the advice is chicks should be too, to be equal.
If guys are emotionless hard-asses, the advice is chicks should be too, to be equal.

Where does that leave subtle invitation? Or mystery, allure and enticement? If everyone’s navigating life the same way, Who’s gonna do those things?

Maybe those methods suit you, maybe not. But don’t just take society’s word on what you should do. Or even my word. Figure out what works for you.

Experiment with feminine and masculine traits.

‘Girly’ doesn’t mean ‘bad.’

Girly behavior has value, it can be useful and fun.

‘Brilliant’ Stephen Hawking has a huge impact through his intellect, and society praises him. ‘Sexual’ Miley Cyrus has a huge a impact through her body-expression, and society condemns her.

Being beautiful, expressive, and sexual are all power that have reach and impact, but many women repress those things.

We could all show more love to these ‘girly’ gifts. They’re not bad or wrong. They’re power & value.

Role-reversal isn’t the answer.

No one can ‘be everything’ in a single lifetime.

If women all choose the approach as guys, it’s not equality, it’s just same-ness, and it makes guys feel useless. It would leave men with no unique interactions to bring to the table— or they have to fill women’s recently-vacated role.

Then you get a role-reversal, where guys are acting feminine and chicks acting masculine — and nothing’s really changed or ‘equal’… it’s just flipped.

Seek solutions that feel good.

Do you actually enjoy being hyper-focused & scheduled? Or do you prefer to be more go-with-the-flow and spontaneous? If you could get desired results by being more nurturing, beautiful, & emotional, would you do it?

Truth is, feminists are right (kind of.)

We may live in a masculine society, but the fix isn’t to become like men.

The fix is to embrace different forms of power, and it’s easy to do.

Be one of the bold ones.

Women have the power to create a better life, uplift others, and move people’s hearts. They can do it with their superpowers turned-off, competing with men by men’s rules – just like a guy would, but in my experience it’s not too effective.

Imitating men is exactly that — an imitation. It’s inauthentic and ineffective. Be one of the rare chick’s who taps into her natural powers.

Womanly Art #1: Vulnerability. "Real gets results."

Tess’s tapping on the door echoed like an axe to bone.

The heavy oak creaked open, revealing John’s scrunched face.

Tess knew he was pissed that she ate dinner with Reza, and that she was two hours late.

But Reza was dropping gold that’d take her career to the next level, a meeting with him was rare, and she wasn’t just going to shut it down and leave.

“Love, I know you’re pissed.”

“Damn right I am–“

It was unusual for timid, people-pleasing Tess to ever interrupt John. He was so sensitive about it.

Butterflies danced in her belly, but her heart told to speak up.

“Shh, hon, wait, lemme talk first.”

She knew if she was gonna say what she’d been thinking during dinner, she wanted it to be loving but firm.

“Fine.” John’s frosty syllable came out as an icicle between them, but Tess had promised herself to be honest no matter what, in the hopes that her heart would warm things.

She breathed deep and barreled ahead.

“Darling, I’ve made a scary decision. It’s not one I wanted to make, but I have to.”

John nodded.

“I’ve decided to stop offering any ‘intimacy,’”

Tess continued, “at least until I feel you let jealousy go. I don’t believe you wanna be jealous, and won’t encourage it.”

“Wait, what? You’re withholding sex?”

God, this felt awkward. John was just about to turn this into her being a bitch. Tess didn’t get twisted up in his labels this time though.

Tess continued speaking her truth. “That’s not how I see it, John. I see it as giving my body where it’s deserved. I don’t reward jealousy and I don’t believe you really want me to. My heart aches to be with you, but I feel my hand is forced. We both deserve better.”

She wanted to reach for his hand but he was in the doorway and hard to reach, so she settled for touching his shoulder.

“Please answer with love, put jealousy aside, and trust me to spend time with my hobbies & interact with whoever feels right. Please John, show me you’re better than this.”

Tess didn’t say anything else, but depending on how John reacted she was either going to improve their relationship this moment, or if John failed to respond to her vulnerable words, she’d take more drastic measures and move to her Mom’s place.

This was the moment of truth.

Why Vulnerability Works:

Most people wear masks, so anything raw and from the heart feels like relief.

Being vulnerable creates valuable connection while revealing important truths.

There’s nothing to solve or overcome, just… from the heart authenticity. Vulnerability reliably brings good things, try it.

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness.”

Brene Brown

Vulnerability Expert


Be vulnerable feels freeing.

In the above story, it doesn’t really matter how John responds to Tess’s vulnerability.

What matters is that Tess is creating change, getting results, and feeling better.

‘Cause being vulnerable feels freeing. It feels cathartic. It feels honest.

And it straight-up improves life. Have you ever heard someone complaining about the negative impact of vulnerability? That’s ’cause there aren’t any.

No one’s like “I was vulnerable and it crippled my family and took 30 years off my life” or like “I expressed my vulnerable feelings and it made my insurance run out!”

Being vulnerable is powerful and natural. Experiment, try it.

Being vulnerable can appear scary.

Being vulnerable seems like taking a risky, scary, uncertain gamble when your heart urges you to. It means taking a stand and it comes in many forms.

For Tess, it may even mean moving out — not in immature cruelty — but in love. It may mean speaking up or making a point. It may mean reaching out to a stranger.

And it’s easy. It’s just a choice to be vulnerable and use your power.

I lived homeless for years, got put in jail, and failed many businesses and relationships. It all required vulnerability.

Crying’s vulnerable. Asking for help’s vulnerable. Both are things which get a bad rap. I encourage both

Vulnerability beats coercing, manipulating, or begging and helps us touch people’s hearts. It creates real change. You can choose right now to give a more vulnerable you to the world.

“I feel like my secret magic trick that separates me from a lot of my peers is the bravery to be vulnerable and truthful and honest.” – Katy Perry

Womanly Art #2: Sex. "Most powerful force in the world."

Tess’s body was on fire.

Or she was so horny that it felt like it.

Sitting in her empty dance studio, glistening with a post-dance sweat, she wondered if there was a creature on the planet that felt as hot as she did at that moment.

And it’d be so easy to just slide into bed with John and enjoy familiar intimacy.

Yes, he’d been silent and withdrawn since that night on the porch when he’d invited her inside, kissed her forehead and went to bed alone, but if she walked into the bedroom and made a hollow apology they’d end up make up sex for sure.

God, so tempting.

But Tess’d decided to make a change.

She decided to trust her intuition.

She’d decided to give her body only to a man who felt like he was growing and showing love.

Reza had told her that a woman’s sexuality is the strongest message that can be sent. Sex sells, every time. Some use it for shallow, selfish greed. Some use it to unite.

After trying everything she could think of to relieve John’s jealousy, from talking-it-out to screaming at him, Tess finally chose the scary move of letting her body send a stronger message.

Not ’cause some blog told her to, not ’cause she wanted to manipulate John with sex…

But because in her heart, she knew it was the right thing to do.

And a sure sign that it was, was that it was really damn hard for Tess to do.

She loved sex, and in fact, she loved sex with John.

He was her husband after all.

“Fuck!” Her words bounced off the studio mirrors.

She’d come here aiming to redirect her… energy… into dance, but grinding to Nicki Minaj’s Trini Dem Girls just turned her on more.

It was time for Tess to take matters into her own hands… literally.

She’d taken a stand on John’s behavior, and now she was going to touch herself, not him, in order to keep it.

Her fingers roamed.

She lost herself in the pleasure she was born to, letting her body arch as her arousal climbed to a fever pitch, and then she came.

And there, stretched out on the floor in the warm cocoon of her own afterglow, she was struck with a core-shaking realization.

What if time went on and John still didn’t grow or change?

What would she do then?

Why Sexuality Works:

Industry, education, politics, arts, causes, etc. — there’s one force that drives them all.

Sex is simple yet complex, soft yet strong, reserved yet impactful, and it shapes the world’s future. Sex can be found influencing every single thing we enjoy.

Cleopatra used it and changed the direction of nations. Marilyn Monroe used it to become a legendary icon.

It’s a key part of being feminine in every culture. It’s a blessing & we can pretend it doesn’t exist or we can learn to use it well to help humanity.

“The problem is never what it seems, and the solution is always orgasm.”

Nicole Daedone

Orgasm Expert


Using sex is easy, but takes responsibility.

Tess is scared to withhold sex, and that’s understandable. ‘Cause it can be a petty, manipulative thing to do.

Plus, power can be scary and intimidating, especially if we’re not practiced at using it. But the only way to get practice is to go out on a limb and try it.

You can study and learn and share the experiences of others who’ve paved the way, but ultimately, using sexuality well takes practice and integrity.

And Tess feels it. She’s tried all the ‘society-approved’, rational, guy-forms of getting results, but all along she holds her innate power of sex. And all along her heart & conscience are telling her it’s the right thing to do.

She’s not like the women who use sex as a weapon, Tess knows it can also be used with love, to move mountains and create positive change.

And using it like that feels awesome. Scary, but awesome. Kinda like skydiving.

So right now, decide like Tess did, to use your sex well.

Don’t buy-in to sex being shallow.

Many women have bought into the idea that sex is shameful or secret.

It’s not. You just have to learn to use sex to help your relationships, the public, and humanity.

Beyonce gets this— she uses her sexuality like a boss, never to harm, always to help. She’s been practicing it for a long time.

And maybe you haven’t, regardless, using feminine sexuality is a key to success.

The Dalai-freaking-Lama has said “The world will be saved by the western woman.” It’s a bit of a generalization, but he’s a brilliant, wise man and he gets it.

What he’s really talking about is turned-on, sexually tuned-in women have soul-rocking, life-changing power inside them. They’re born with it, and have been told it’s wrong to use it, don’t buy in to that shit.

The world needs empowered women. You’re off-the-charts powerful. Wake up to your sex, then wake others up with it.

Learn from chicks who practice using sex: The Suicide Girls!

SuicideGirls are aware of their sex appeal, so I asked ’em to weigh in:

  • “I use my… kink knowledge (and appreciation!) to photograph people of all genders, orientations.” – DoomCookiePhoto
  • “I offer a cuddle service.” – Rhona
  • “Being female i have always found it easy to get in the middle and tell both partys that we are leaving or that someone miss understood the other and hey presto no fights :D” – LilyMai
  • “Sex brings so much more than free drinks and orgasms.” – Zelenia
  • “I feel like if all it takes is putting on a bikini to help raise money for something I’m passionate about, why not?” – Ryanne
  • “Stress relief, helps out both parties ;)” – Roo_Morgue
  • “I want everyone to be happy and comfortable with themselves…Being happy and comfortable with my sexual self was the first step in showing everyone else they can do it too!” – Astraia

“I love being a woman. I love the sexiness we get to exude. But the best thing about being a woman is the power we have over men.” – Eva Longoria

Womanly Art #3: Drama. "Wait, WTF, drama?!"

Tess shoved another H&M nail into her Aritzia coffin.

She was just moving out, so why did it feel like death?

Every blouse into her bag felt like a twist of a knife to her gut.

This was the last thing she wanted, but she had to trust her feelings.

Tess had grown.

She no longer had time for jobs she hated, and she definitely had no time for jealous husbands.

It took her years of marital discomfort to wake up and take a stand, and so far all it’d brought her was months of a lonely sex life and now a storm of moving to her mother’s, possibly permanently.

John hated drama.

Tess sighed.

She hated some drama, but not all drama, this time it felt healthy.

It felt like using her emotions and expression to nudge a stubborn, defeated man into making a choice to be better. Not forcing, not threatening, just putting the choice clearly in front of him.

Choose: Enjoy her value in his life, or stubbornly continue preventing her from interacting with amazing males and lose her.

And even if he chose to stay small, even if Tess ended up alone, she knew this was the most loving thing she could do.

It felt so over-the-fucking-top, but that’s how she felt. John’s hollow words and half-hearted changes had created a terrible situation, and Tess knew she could change it.

She’d learned that being vulnerable while trusting & expressing her feelings without fear of what others think felt better.

So far though, the results weren’t at the top of her list of things to celebrate.

She’d learned to embrace her sexuality. She wore lingerie for herself. It felt sexy and confident. She’d also learned to stop giving her body to men of low-integrity or encouraging their comfort in mediocrity.

She’d grown and learned so much, and gotten precious feelings she’d sought for a long time. She felt like a more loving, magical woman. She felt like things were changing and evolving. She felt progress and momentum.

But in her growth, she felt John being left behind.

Tess had poured every ounce of her energy into encouraging them to grow closer together, and after taking a break from sleeping with him, John had only become more distant.

Catching him cheating on her was the last straw.

During her sex-ban, she’d been hit on by tons of guys, and she didn’t cheat on John with a single one them. In fact, she was barely even tempted to, ’cause she was doing all these ‘unpleasant’ things ’cause they were loving.

Going behind John’s back to satisfy urges she could take care of herself felt like the unnecessary, problematic kind of drama.

The kind John had chosen. Not only was he jealous of any man Tess spent time with, now he was spending intiamte time with other women.

Fuck. That.

When your wife of 10 years expresses her honest feelings, puts aside her normal sexual habits, and then, pushed to her limit of patience, finally walks out on you, it’s a wake-up call, right?

When John got home from work…

…he’d have some soul-searching to do.

Why Drama Works:

Drama works because people are zombies.

And they often need shocked awake.

Society acts like there’s no place for drama— that it’s a terrible thing & that all must be serene and ordered, but society’s delusional. Drama is valuable and has a place.

Newspapers use dramatic headlines to get people to read the deeper message. Hollywood uses dramatic stories to plant nuggets of truth. Preachers use dramatic gestures and speeches to share wisdom.

Just ’cause some people don’t like how drama’s used, that doesn’t make it bad.

And because we’re used to soul-sucking, manipulative drama, healthy drama sincerely expressed, has a game-changing impact.

“Be okay with being different, and with being this alive, this intense.”

Eve Ensler

Social Activist, Vagina Monologues


Healthy drama is messy but cathartic and engaging.

Healthy drama feels free-ing. It brings growth and feels joyful intense, even while it might look like or sadness or anger on a surface level.

In Tess’s story, every move she makes is coming from honest emotions and kind intentions.

She’s not doing anything to ‘get’ something for herself, she’s making her choices in order to give John an important message, or a chance to be more aware, or a shot at a more loving relationship.

Whether or not he’s receptive, Tess is still committed to authentic drama and doing what feels right.

She’s doing her best to help him, but she’s doing it for her own conscience, her own sanity.

Family or friends can judge her, co-workers can tell her to play nice, but there’s no better feeling than sidestepping labels, and expressing, even if there seems to be earth-shattering consequences.

You don’t know what’ll happen, or what your ‘healthy drama’ will lead to, and if you’re coming from a good place, the chances are high that results will be positive.

Give it a shot.

Use it authentically to create change.

Empty nagging, useless fights, or filing false police reports doesn’t change anything. It just keeps relationships in holding patterns and slowly drains them of life.

Harmful drama is used selfishly, with no regard for others’ best interests. It’s used to control, manipulate, and get make-up gifts.

Healthy drama is intense emotions expressed with love to create positive change. It may be messy, but it can wake people up. It may be a last-ditch effort, but can be a game-changer.

Create drama with the intention of helping another human reach their potential, while soothing your own soul. It’s a personal power that’s available whenever you need it. It’s brave and bold and powerful.

The trick is to figure out when, where, and how to use it.

All it takes is checking with your conscience and acting on it. It gets easier with practice.

“You don’t give up the drama; you give up the cheap drama.” – Marianne Williamson

In conclusion, practice being a queen.

Get good at this stuff and watch how proud and confident you feel, not to mention the results you’ll get.

  • Practice open-ness & be a queen inspiring guarded women.
  • Practice sincere sexuality & be a queen inspiring repressed women.
  • Practice healthy drama & be a queen inspiring, uh, drama…queens. lol.

Life’s gonna give you peeps who piss you off, situations that challenge you.

And you can curl up, close down, become guarded, numb, armored and rejecting —basically giving up and settling for a life of bitching— or you can get sublime at using your super-powers.

John’s hug was sunlight and fluffy clouds.

Tess felt her six month stay at Mom’s must’ve penetrated his stubborn-ness, ’cause when they finally met at the cafe, he was a new man.

Tess pulled back against her chair at first, hesitant to show John affection until she was certain he’d grown, but he surprised her when he sat down, saying “Tess, look, I get it if you don’t wanna hug me. The old John didn’t deserve all the love you showed, and took it for granted. I’m sorry.”

Tess’s eyes widened and she opened her mouth to respond but he cut off her.

“It’s important I talk first, Hon.”

“Ok.”

“And not as a desperate sneaky attempt to get you back in my life like the old me would’ve done, but to share some things you’ve deserved to hear for years.”

Tess leaned forward.

“First, here, take this.”

Tess opened her hand to feel a round, green circle as heavy as a golf. It was John’s 3-month sobriety medallion from AA.

John who’d numbed himself with beers for most of their marriage, had joined alcoholics anon and was now three months sober? Tess felt a shiver run through her.

“Next, read this.”

Tess put the sobriety coin down.

Then picked up John’s phone, it’s screen glowing with text.

On it’s screen was a bunch of semi-bitter messages from Meg, the secretary he was cheating on Tess with. Meg was clearly pissed at being dumped by John a few months before.

So had John been alone for the last few months? He must’ve gone stir-crazy.

“John I–”

“–And last but not least, Tess, check these out.”

On the table in front of Tess lay 3 receipts for consultations with… Reza! If John had paid to see Reza three times since they separated, it meant he’d clearly grown past his jealousy.

Waitaminit, how did Reza not tell her about this. She’d spoken with him at least once a week since the separation.

“What? John? I don’t understand, how –and why– did you do all this?”

“Well, when I got your note, I bawled. I mean mega-tears and my face covered in snot. For the first week…

Every ounce of my being told me to yell, beg, & guilt you into coming back.

I felt like a needy whiner.”

“Which you kinda were–”

“Yes, I know, but I changed ’cause I was painfully aware that it was the same thing that pushed you away. For the second week, I got pissed off and became a martyr, calling all my friends and trash-talking you to them and drinking myself into oblivion, ’cause that felt better than admitting I was a failure as a husband.”

“Trashing me to who? To Frank?”

“Look, I feel bad about it, and I set everyone straight. The third week was when I really woke up. I was in the middle of blaming you for leaving to Frank–”

“I knew you’d talk to Frank, I figured I’d lose all our mutual friends. It doesn’t surprise me Frank turned against me.”

“He did the opposite, Tess.”

“Really?”

“He told me that not only was I jealous and needy with you, but that I was jealous and needy at my job and sports too, and it made him not wanna hang out as often. Frank’s confession, plus your leaving, was like a giant smack upside the head. My normal habits had pushed the best woman in my life away. I had to do something different.”

“So you did all this to get me back?”

Although a guy transforming his life for a girl is a dream-scene from a chick-flick, the last thing Tess wanted was more behavior from John based on his needy attachment to her.

“Actually babe, I did it for me. I made a promise to myself that even though I’d fucked up ten years of marriage, I’d get healthier, stop drowning my feelings in beer, and just… I dunno, be a better man, even if I end up alone forever. I don’t know how long it’ll take, and I don’t know if you’ve moved on, I don’t know anything.” John laughed.

It felt so good to hear a sincere laugh from him. Tess was worried this meeting would be more jealous-John, but instead it felt like a dream coming true.

His massive change totally matched her massive decision to move-out.

Instead of being stubbornly insecure, John had grown more confident.

Instead of empty words, John’s action showed a changed man.

Instead of doing things to placate Tess, he was pro-actively doing things to better himself.

Tess squealed in joy, jumped up, rushed over, and hugged him.

“John, I never wanted to be away from you. I never wanted to stop being intimate. This is what I wanted! This. Your best. The John I knew was in there! I’m so proud of you. I feel so loved. I really feel like we can be together again, I mean, if you want that.”

John’s eyes moistened.

“Of course I want that babe, you’ve been wonderful to me for years, I’d love-love-love to keep growing together.”

They hugged again, long and warm, and filled with happy tears.


The only guaranteed power…is you.

Our heroine got incredible results, pretty much effortlessly. She didn’t invest a ton of time or money, in fact, by immediately acting on her heart’s guidance, she saved time and money. She was able to focus on projects she’d been neglecting as well and be supported by her parents for a while.

She didn’t go through years of counseling, she didn’t argue tirelessly, she didn’t beat her head against a wall trying to ‘change’ John.

But her powerful choices to change her self and her behavior, did spark major change.

She trusted her heart, tapped into her powers of vulnerability, sexuality, and drama, and did what was right.

She embraced uncertainty and accepted that it was up to John what path his life took, not up to her.

The truth is that when we want change, the only way to get it is to do the right thing with love, be bold with no agenda, and let the chips fall where they may.

Real girl-power doesn’t come from imitating men’s rationality, ruthlessness, or controlling natures.

Real girl-power comes from courageously applied vulnerability, sexuality, and drama.

Real girl-power is a real wake up call.

Use yours.


I made this for me (and you).

While I was putting it together I asked for women on the SuicideGirls forums for any personal experiences they’ve had using their sexuality for good.

Some got it, some didn’t, but I poured a lot of love into making this and…

I did it for me. Being selfish is important. Taking steps to improve our own lives and fulfill our own dreams is important.

To do so with the aim of helping others at the same time is ideal.

And I have my own desires and dreams.

I’ve dealt with more than enough ‘manly’ women mimicking guy-power and ignoring their uniqueness to last a lifetime 😉

I dream of a harem of empowered women, uplifting and supporting my life. I may never reach that dream, but hopefully I’m able to help some women with the ideas I’ve offered here.

And the ironic thing is, the above powers of vulnerability, sexuality, and drama are all things I’ve practiced myself. It’s good to be in touch with both masculine and feminine sides, of course, but that’s not the focus here. (I made an entirely different page for that.)

So this is one of my contributions to help in a unique way, move towards my dreams, and have a life full of women that suit me.

Selfishly, yes, but also to help you at the same time.

I want you to have the life you want and I truly believe that tapping into real girl power is a fun, enjoyable path that deserves the spotlight.

And this is just tip of the iceberg.

There’s also the power of dance, the power of surrender, the power of nurturing, expression, beauty, and more.

And remember, the REAL reason most chicks don’t use their power isn’t ’cause they don’t know how, it’s ’cause REAL power is scary, and it comes with responsibility.

Real power is stuff you can put into action immediately, no graduate program or counseling needed.

It’s natural stuff, it’s in you, it just takes a little practice.

Aaaaanyway, don’t take my word for it.

Experiment.

Trust your gut.

Do whatever suits you, but don’t say nobody told you the truth of things — ’cause I just did 😀

Real talk from Ryze.

P.S. This was originally 2 blog posts with almost 40 comments from women who’d benefited, and now I’ve turned it into a better experience, but without comments. If you feel strongly about it the best thing to do is share it to empower others, & you can always contact me directly 🙂


This isn’t meant to be an A-to-Z of feminine power, and there’s many people who’ve done a better, deeper job on the subject. If you’re interested in this stuff, explore it, read more, find other aspects that inspire you. To help you on your journey I’m sharing some other great related resources.

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